Category: Mojo Monday

Mojo Monday ~ Kick Starts and New Eyes

Michelle Fairchild
The cover of my PaPaYa! “Voyage” journal

The past month had felt funky with a capital “F.”  One daughter came down with a really bad flu that had her down for a week.  Then her twin sister came down with the same flu and was also sick for a week.  I ran out of sick time and had to start chipping away at vacation time which is near and dear to my heart.  Wah!  My hubby had a short out of town trip camping with his students.  My 6 year old daughters had their 6th birthday and there was the party to plan for and a house and yard to prepare for guests.  The day after their successful party was Mother’s Day, but my hubby pinched a nerve in his back and a build up of stress found my own neck tweaked with strain and pain and a severe lack of energy.  My day job that I have been with for 8 years has grown more boring and unfulfilling, and while I still love the purpose of the work, I am weary of working in a cavernous lobby with no windows.  In the midst of all of this I had bone weary days.  Days where I felt so completely physically exhausted.  I also found myself not interested in writing or painting and when I arrived home all I wanted to do was veg out.  Then there were the old photos of myself and friends through the years I found myself flipping through the evening before the solar solstice, and I became sad and wistful when I viewed them because they seemed like they were from another lifetime.  I have been blessed in this life with an inordinate amount of vitality and energy, so it was the feeling so tired though that truly led me to realize that something had to change.  It all began by writing these words in my journal:


Changes need to take place.

Too tired.
Out of shape.
Not often happy.
43 years old.
Looked through old photos last night and saw a version of myself that was smiling a lot more.  Saw a happier version of me.  
Hard truths.
Brainstorm – what do I really want?  What do I want to do?  

Three Columns for Dreams and Goals
Health/Vitality: Food cleanse, Yoga/Pilates, Walking, Swimming (when pool reopens), Sleep/Rest, Hiking, Lighter, Greater Mobility/Flexibility, Less Screen Time
Life Plan: Writing, Art, Family, Community, Friendship
Happiness: Quality Family Time, Quality Hubby Time, Quality Me Time, Gardening, Creating, Painting, Writing, Reading, Community, Friendship, Women circle time, Swimming, Relaxation, Peaceful, Photography, More Outdoor/Nature Time

On the day of the eclipse I kicked started a shift.  I have been eating a plant based (vegan) diet already for 4 years, yet it is easy to slip into patterns of eating too many bread and cracker type food products.  I also live with a thin vegan hubby, who can eat anything he wants, including nightly treats and maintain his same weight, and my 6 year old twin daughters, who also seem to be able to eat the way he does and are doing just great.  I have suspected that my body was needing more nutrition, more real and hearty food, and much less of the empty fillers like crackers and bread that have infiltrated my regular diet.  I searched for some new vegan salad and smoothie recipes, adding detox to some of the searches and went shopping.  I also cleaned out the pantry and labeled anything not already labeled.  The extra treat was to lay down some new contact paper too.  


The goal is more positive physical energy.  Basically more “get up and go!”  This piece of the puzzle became more clear as I wrote these words about my new goals:




Focus on feeding yourself.  Focus on giving your body every good thing.  Focus on knowing that you deserve it. 
When we approach eating with a mentality of deprivation it not only feels punitive, it actually becomes a form of punishment.  It sets you up for a situation where if you eat something you have deemed forbidden you feel bad and guilty.  We focus on what we shouldn’t be eating. We may also be focusing on how we aren’t exercising.  If you are instead coming from a mind set that you want your body, mind and spirit to feel good and you know feeding it healthy and nutrition packed meals is what makes it feel good, then it comes from a positive place.
What else can you do to make your mind, body and spirit feel good? Consider all the pleasure possibilities.  How about giving yourself pedicures?  What about lying in the sun and stretching?  What about listening to your favorite music and moving your body to the rhythms? 
This is about feeling good.  It is about how you feel, not how you look.  There is an important distinction, because I am here to tell you that it is too easy to be dissatisfied with appearance.  We have to find the other ways to love ourselves.  




For over a week now I have been feeding myself nutritious packed meals called The Detox Salad, The Lightened Up Protein Goddess Bowl, The Back On Track Wheat Berry and Bean Salad, The High Protein Quinoa Almond Berry Salad, The Roasted Sweet Potato and Black Bean Warm Salad, The Spring Detox Smoothie and a few other smoothie concoctions that utilize frozen fruit, soy vanilla protein powder and kale or spinach.  We have an amazing library of vegan cookbooks yet I did find many of these new and fabulous recipes on a web site called Oh She Glows by Angela Liddon.

As my lists for increased vitality included kicking up the physical movement up a few notches I have successfully been doing more stretching and have added in simple weight lifting and then some pilates videos.  I’ll also be adding in some “turbo jam” workouts for fun.  For a number of years I was a serious gym rat and worked out six to seven days a week with my daily workouts sometimes lasting two to three hours doing a combo cardio/weight lifting regime.  I remember everything I learned from the various trainers who coached me over years.  I just haven’t been putting my knowledge into practice for a great while.  



After a week of increased activity and eating nutritionally packed meals I am feeling less tired.  I am feeling less anxiety and less stress.  My screen time has been cut back some as well.  My goal is to spend more time in nature and also more time enjoying in person connections.  Here is a sweet little slide show of our family enjoying a picnic outdoors and the creatures we met on our walk afterwards.




This food cleanse has somehow also inspired me to do a sweep through the house to get rid of other unnecessary fluff, so to speak.  Some closets have been purged and the give-away pile is growing. Kitchen items like food processors, blenders and juicers have been moved to more easily accessible locations.  Things just seem to be getting more organized over all.  Think it might also have to do with some increased energy.

Is there anything in your life that you would like to kick start?

Is there anything you would like to change right now?

What in your life might need you to just look at it with new eyes?

Mojo Monday ~ Age Is A State Of Mind…and Body

Michelle Fairchild
Tao Porchon-Lynch as photographed by Robert Sturman

On Sunday, May 13, 2012 a woman by the name of Tao Porchon-Lynch was inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records as the Oldest Living Yoga Instructor.  Tao is currently 93 years old and will turn 94 in August.  She was born in 1918 in a French territory in India called Pondicherry.  Her mother died in childbirth and her heartbroken father immigrated to Canada and left her with his brother and sister-in-law.  Her uncle and aunt raised her and his work in helping to create railroad systems throughout Africa and Asia offered her early cultural experiences with meeting Masai tribesmen, Singapore merchants and even Mahatma Gandhi, who became a great friend of her uncles.
At age 8 Tao wanted to learn yoga. At that time in India girls did not study yoga and when she was told it was unladylike, her response was that if boys could do it she could too, and so she did. Writer Dr. Terry Kennedy shares this about Tao in an article entitled 7 Steps to Crafting An Amazing Life “She went on to study with Indra Devi, and became one of the first women to study under yoga masters B.K.S. Iyengar and Pattabhi Jois. She gave informal classes to friends and associates for free throughout the 1950s and early 60s. Her first paying job teaching yoga was in 1968 when fitness pioneer Jack LaLanne hired her to teach in his Hollywood studio. In 1982, Tao founded the Westchester Institute of Yoga, and has since trained and certified hundreds of yoga instructors. She has also made over 20 pilgrimages to India with her students because she believes that such visits offer enlightenment about the true spirit of yoga.”
Her life journey included marching with Gandhi, working in the French Resistance under Charles de Gaulle and even marching with Martin Luther King Jr.  She also did some modeling and acting in Europe and eventually moved to the United States where she also worked as a contracted actress with MGM in Hollywood during the 1940’s and 1950’s. 
In 1995, she was one of the invited teachers to participate in Yoga for Peace in Israel. In 2011, she shared the stage with His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama at the Newark Peace Education Summit.  
In 2002 she took up ballroom dancing and has won more than 300 first-place trophies in national and international Fred Astaire competitions.
What does Tao share about living such a healthy and vibrant life into her 90’s?  According to Porchon-Lynch, the first step to harnessing one’s optimal energy is learning to breathe properly. “I show my students that breathing deeply is not just a physical act but a tuning into the power behind all things which can renew and recycle our bodies.  She also shares in various interviews that she does not procrastinate and that if there is something she wants to do she does it.  She stays positive and begins and ends each day with positive thoughts.  She recommends that we all rid ourselves of fear. She has been a vegetarian all her life, eats a very simple diet and credits her years of yoga practice at keeping her strong and healthy.

Writer Dr. Terry Kennedy shares what she has learned personally from Tao and breaks it down into these 7 Steps:
1) Play Your Cards Right ~ Tao is a living example of how to tap into our human potential. We each have the ability to craft an amazing life. As Tao says, “Smile. Don’t look down. Don’t look backwards. Don’t procrastinate. Do it today!”
2) Follow Your Heart ~ Follow your dreams as did Tao in learning yoga even if it was unladylike when she was 8 years old.
3) Find Someone Who Inspires You ~ The insuppressible spirit of Gandhi is felt in Tao’s own work. One of Tao’s favorite sayings is: “It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness of ignorance. If you light just one, you’re already on an enlightened path.”
4) Take Care of Your Body ~ Tao believes we all can overcome the effects of aging and control our bodies and minds through yoga and diet.
5) Stay Positive ~ Tao is very adamant about controlling her mental atmosphere. It is one of her secrets to staying young. She believes that whatever you put in your mind starts to decay in the body. She says, “Don’t let fear enter your mind. When someone starts to talk negative, I switch it right around.”
6) Be the Change ~ Tao cares deeply for others and the world. Instead of sitting on the sidelines, she gets involved.
7) Do it today! ~ Tao believes that time is a jewel for us to use and not waste.

Does reading about Tao inspire you?
Is there anything you might do differently in your own life?  Something you might adopt from what she shares about living a vibrant and healthy life?
Here is a wonderful video of Tao speaking about living a vibrant life:

Mojo Monday ~ Raise Your Voice

Michelle Fairchild

‎”Half the world’s population does not receive enough food to eat. 10-20 million die every year of hunger and its effects. The Institute for Food and Development Policy reports that, “Forty thousand children starve to death on this planet every day,” or one child every two seconds.

Of all the agricultural land in the U.S., nearly 80 percent is used in some way to raise animals—that’s roughly half of the total land mass of the U.S. More than 260 million acres of U.S. forest have been cleared to create cropland to grow grain to feed farmed animals.

The world’s cattle alone consume a quantity of food equal to the caloric needs of 8.7 billion people—more than the entire human population on Earth. About 20 percent of the world’s population, or 1.4 billion people, could be fed with the grain and soybeans fed to U.S. cattle alone.”


Join a walk, or if you live too far away to participate in person, donate to one.

Fight hunger with every choice you make and every step you take: 
http://www.BayAreaHungerWalk.org/

CROP Hunger Walk: CROP Hunger Walk

www.churchworldservice.org

CROP Hunger Walks are community-wide events sponsored by Church World Service and organized by local congregations to raise funds to end hunger at home and around the world.


Raise Your Voice performed by K.C. Clifford

Mojo Monday ~ A Peaceful Place

Michelle Fairchild

This week’s Mojo Monday was going to be about one subject, but fresh inspiration struck as I lay underneath our majestic oak tree, feeling very content to see blue skies, sunshine and listen to the various bird calls and tweets that fill our back yard with sound.  


For many years now I have found myself entering into a peaceful zone when I garden and work outside in the yard.  When I was single I spent many hours in my yards and I filled them with flowers and colorful garden art.  My yards in the past were small to modest in size, yet I still managed to spend hours and hours wiling away the time and enjoying digging in the dirt.  When my husband and I bought our first home together we were fortunate to find an older home, built in the 50’s, in a neighborhood where most homes have very generous yards and with existing trees and plants.  Our back yard, sometimes referred to as the Fairchild Park by some family and friends, is home to a majestic oak, a giant redwood, a cherry tree, a plum tree, a pear tree and a pomegranate tree.  We have also added a dogwood, a miniature Japanese maple, a red bud and other various plants and a stone patio.  

This past week our neck of the woods saw rainy day after rainy day.  I don’t normally complain about the weather and I usually appreciate each season for its own unique beauty and the gifts it brings with it for our natural world.  However I was beginning to long for some sunshine.  Saturday morning arrived sunny and gorgeous after a long rain all night.  My morning began with taking care of some overdue chores like cleaning bathrooms, cleaning a cat box, getting some laundry going and cleaning the kitchen.  After several hours of chores I began to feel grumpy and irritable and I looking longingly out the window.  When I finally headed to our backyard to do some yard work there were still vestiges of the doldrums hanging on.  As I began to plant some new flowers I’d been given for my recent birthday, and as our whole family worked together to finish clearing up some downed limbs into the green waste can or our wood pile, all the gray feelings dissipated and my disposition grew as sunny as the day.  


After hours of hard work I grabbed a refreshing beverage, a magazine to peruse and I went and lounged on a patio chair.  Ahhh, “Now this is the life!” I thought to myself.  I also ticked off in my head the many of the ways I am so incredibly blessed in this life.  

Now before life in the Fairchild household begins to sound unbelievably idyllic and peaceful I feel it only fair to share that there are times when I am in the “zone” of gardening and my twin daughters will scream, cry or begin to fight over some game they are playing.  Shrieking children do not really fit into my peaceful garden world and this can be a struggle for me.  Whining and shrieking children have the same affect on me inside the house too.  In my perfect world I would be grooving to good tunes, painting, writing, gardening, dancing, swimming (let’s ignore the fact we don’t have a pool) and enjoying a peaceful environment. We can’t always have that perfect peaceful world, especially when we share our space with significant others, children and pets.  

When I really begin to struggle with a chaotic (and messy) living space that sets my nerves on edge I try to take deep breaths, remind myself of what is really important, remind myself that this particularly annoying situation won’t last forever and if all else fails I can choose to do one of several things.  1) Engage the children in laughter, dance or some such fun to change the energy and mind set in the room.   2) Go outside to soak in the natural world or at the very least look outside.  3) Take a brief time out in my bedroom or my art room.  4) Retreat to the bathroom and hide for 5 minutes.  5) Grab a book, run a hot bubble bath and have quiet time reading for an hour.     


I have also contemplated for many years the following quote:  “peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” 
~ unknown

When I consider this quote I know that I have a ways to go in being able to remain in the peaceful mind set no matter what is thrown at me.  


Do you have a peaceful place?


Is it a place that you can count on to help you relax and/or feel rejuvenated?


If you are feeling anxious, stressed or unsettled are there things you do that help you to relax, unwind, or feel better?


What if you are in a funk or feeling grumpy?  Are there things that lift your spirit and help to center you again? 



All photos from the “Fairchild park.”

Mojo Monday ~ Wonder

Michelle Fairchild



won·der/ˈwəndər/


Noun:  A feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable.
Verb:  Desire or be curious to know something.
Synonyms:  noun.  marvel – miracle – prodigy – astonishment – amazement  verb.  marvel

Recently I had the extreme pleasure of gathering with some of the Cosmic Cowgirl tribe in person.  It was a whole-hearted weekend full of such things as inspiration, fun, aha moments, emotional connection and creativity. 

One part of our weekend’s explorations together was to discuss our developing Cosmic language.  After various sessions of heart-storming, prior to the weekend long gathering, a list of words has developed.  They are as follows: wonder, identity, creativity, perspective, heart, courage (awareness), embodiment (manifestation), play, transformation, mystery, legend (legacy), revolution, community and last but not least the overarching concept of sparkle.

Here is a photo of the beautiful rendition of the exploration that Shiloh McCloud diagramed for us.


Our time together included some journaling on various words and seeing what came up for us.  We were also asked to ponder and remain aware if there were any words with which we currently identified with more strongly.  I knew that my attention was drawn to the center of the diagram where the word “wonder” was written.  When we were asked to write down some thoughts regarding wonder this is what came to me:

The beginning of a heart beat.
The birth of a child.
A smile.
The universe.
Holding a hand.
A flower.
The stars.
The smell of a rose.
Water.
A favorite flavor.
The emotional life of animals.

My fascination with wonder seem to fit in with how I have been viewing the world through a lens I can only describe as “Wow” or as Shiloh wrote on the diagram next to the word wonder “the awe ha!”

When I began my list with “the beginning of a heart beat” I was actually recalling a documentary called In the Womb by National Geographic.  During the show they show and tell the audience just how and when a heart begins.  I was left in wonder about the amazing nature of our bodies and how we humans begin.  If you want to see for yourself a brief part of the video I have included it below and you can watch the particular portion I mention if you fast forward to 5:20 and watch until 5:57.  Here also is written form of the narration that describes what might be considered a miracle of nature: 
“One of the first organs to form is the heart.  Until now the tiny clump of heart cells, about the size of a poppy seed, have been still, but after 22 days a single cell stirs, as if jolted to life.  This tiny movement sparks a chain reaction and other cells in the cluster pick up the rhythm.  Incredibly, they all begin to beat in perfect unison.  The new cells divide, dance to the same beat and will grow to form the embryo’s heart.”




My mind, and heart, is also in awe of our universe.  This image to the right is from the Hubble Telescope and has been nicknamed The Galactic Rose.  If you have never really explored the images from the Hubble telescope I encourage you to do so.  The images are amazing.  Here is where you can locate the Hubble web site: http://hubblesite.org/the_telescope/

When I gaze at such photos taken in deep space I am in awe.  I experience feelings and thoughts that encompass and contemplate being humble, miniscule, and yet also expansive and connected.  In the scheme of how grand the universe is we are a speck in the dark night sky.  We are these tiny bunches of cells and molecules that are alive and running around on the surface of planet Earth.  Dr. Seuss even contemplated such a state of being in his classic Horton Hears a Who.  

Star Woman painting by Michelle Fairchild
The fascination with the stars also connects with the amazing fact that we humans are really made of cosmic stardust and this really isn’t just some California “woo woo” idea.   The late astronomer Carl Sagan once stated “The surface of the earth is the shore of the cosmic ocean… Some part of our being knows this is where we came from. We long to return. And we can. Because the cosmos is also within us. We’re made of star-stuff. We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.”  What he knew when he made that remark is that the same elements that make up the stars in our universe are the very same elements that came together to create our planet and our very bodies. 

According to Chris Impey, professor of astronomy at the University of Arizona, “Carbon, nitrogen and oxygen atoms in our bodies, as well as atoms of all other heavy elements, were created in previous generations of stars over 4.5 billion years ago. Because humans and every other animal — as well as most of the matter on Earth — contain these elements, we are literally made of star stuff.” 

Here again is a beautiful video I shared just last week.  Listen to Astrophysicist Dr. Neil DeGrasse, and understand why he feels big, not small, as part of the universe. Something we should all remember when we feel alone, insignificant, or disconnected. This video is a result of when he was asked by TIME magazine, “What is the most astounding fact you can share with us about the Universe?” This is his answer.

The Most Astounding Fact from Max Schlickenmeyer on Vimeo.

Then there is water. When I read the book Half Broke Horses: A True-Life Novel by Jeannette Walls I was intrigued to read the following section about water.  I loved how she so poetically explores the amazing, and almost magical qualities and history of water.


Photo by Michelle Fairchild
“Sometimes over supper, when Jim got home after a storm, the kids would describe their escapades in the water and mud, and Jim would recount his vast store of water lore and water history.  Once the world was nothing but water, he explained, and you wouldn’t think to look at us, but human beings were mostly water.  The miraculous thing about water, he said, was that it never came to an end.  All the water on the earth had been here since the beginning of time, it has just moved around from rivers and lakes and oceans to clouds and rain and puddles and then sunk through the soil to underground streams, to springs and wells, where it got drunk by people and animals and went back to rivers and lakes and ocean.

The water you kids were playing in, he said, had probably been to Africa and the North Pole.  Genghis Khan or Saint Peter or even Jesus himself might have drunk it.  Cleopatra might have bathed in it.  Crazy Horse might have watered his pony with it.  Sometimes water was liquid.  Sometimes it was rock hard—ice.  Sometimes it was soft—snow.  Sometimes it was visible, but weightless—clouds.  And sometimes it was completely invisible—vapor—floating up into the sky like the souls of dead people.  There was nothing like water in the world, Jim said.  It made the desert bloom but also turned rich bottomland into swamp.  Without it we’d die, but it could also kill us, and that was why we loved it, even craved it, but also feared it.  Never take water for granted, Jim said.  Always cherish it.  Always beware of it.”

What comes to you when you contemplate the word “Wonder?”

What makes you think or say WOW?

What leaves you in awe?


One more thing that also leaves me in awe is the emotional lives of animals that share our planet.  There are actually many books written on the subject.
I am frequently so touched and moved by photographs of animals that portray their obvious connections to one another.  I have always been drawn to animals, but it wasn’t until recent years that I really, really began to see them.  Have you ever really stopped and considered that animals bodies have organs and bodies that in many regards are much like our own. The have hearts, lungs, brains and blood.  They are born and they die, just like we humans.  
It was partly my awe and wonder in regards to my four-legged, feathered and finned friends that led me to adopt a vegan diet about four years ago.






Lastly, for your enjoyment, a beautiful song by Miten and Deva Premal called Inarticulate Heart.  The lyrics include the words “I am a soul in wonder.”


Mojo Monday ~ The Disease to Please

Michelle Fairchild

Do you often defer to the wishes, desires, and wants of family and friends?  Does your need to please and your lack of self-worth make it difficult to state what you need and what you want?  Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself, speak your truth and face potential or very real conflict? 

Taken to the extreme a person who lets people walk over them is sometimes referred to as a doormat.   Taken to the opposite extreme, a person who thinks only of their own needs and wants, might be called a narcissist or maybe selfish.  What I have found is that the most healthy place to reside is in the middle. Staying in that middle area involves empowering yourself to know what you want and need and to seek that out, yet also to be kind and considerate of the needs and wants of others. 

In the past I have stood my ground when someone was trying to treat me like a doormat or take advantage of my kind heart.  However, my desire to please those I cared about could lead me to negate my own opinion, my own desires in order to make them happy.  Sometimes making those we love happy is wonderful.  I want my husband to be happy.  I love to see him have his needs and wants fulfilled.  The same goes for my children, extended family and close friends. 

Problems can arise though when we do things to please out of fear.  We may be fearful that if we don’t do what our partner, family member, friends want, that they will be angry at us, perhaps even abandon us.  Our self-esteem may be low enough that we think what others want is more important than what we want.  We value others, more than we value ourselves. 

Harriet B. Braker, PhD, author of The Disease to Please: Curing the People Pleasing Syndrome, shares this about the topic, “People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say ‘Yes’ when they really want to say ‘No’ – but they can’t. They feel the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others like an addictive pull. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use ‘niceness’ and ‘people-pleasing’ as self-defense camouflage.

“They may appear to the outside world as perennial ‘nice’ people, but they are only concealing their true anger and resentment behind public ‘happy faces.’ And they are hurting themselves and those they would otherwise seek to please.”“For many, the difficulty may start innocently enough with genuine and generous attempts to make others happy. But this seemingly harmless passion to always be ‘nice,’ to put others first and to compulsively please them even at the expense of your own health and happiness rapidly spirals into a serious psychological syndrome with far-reaching physical and emotional consequences.”

According to reviews “The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that people-pleasing is just a simple problem of going overboard in seeking to please others. It reveals the underlying approval addition, toxic mindsets that rationalize and perpetuate the problem, and the fear and avoidance of anger, rejection and confrontation that fuel the emotional avoidance pattern.”

The goal of the book is to teach people how to “deal constructively with normal – though difficult – emotions and relationships, instead of trying to ‘please’ your way out of them. As a recovered people-pleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness.”   Dr. Braiker points out, sometimes “it’s okay not to be nice!”

Do you identify with being a “people pleaser” and a “goodist?”

If yes, are you beginning to recognize that there are fears that drive you to please others, even at the risk of denying your own wishes and needs?

Are you ready to change? 

Mojo Monday ~ Looking Past Limits

Michelle Fairchild
“Can any of you remember what you wanted to be when you were 17? Do you know what I wanted to be? I wanted to be a biker chick. (Laughter) I wanted to race cars, and I wanted to be a cowgirl, and I wanted to be Mowgli from ‘The Jungle Book.’ Because they were all about being free, the wind in your hair — just to be free.”  

So begins a TED talk by Caroline Casey.

 Caroline Casey was born in 1971 an shortly after her birth her parents learned she had a condition that rendered her legally blind.  The twist to the story is that they never told her.  They raised her as if she could see.  She didn’t learn the truth about her eyesight until she was 17 years old.

The story of her journey is best told by her.  Come watch this video and learn about the power of belief and how dogged determination can lead one on amazing personal journeys.

The concept of limitations, and the power they have, depending on whether we believe in them or not is very interesting. 


Did you grow up believing in limitations for yourself? 


What if you tossed them all aside?  Who would you become?  What would you do?


Would you become a race car driver?  A photojournalist traveling around the world?  An international spy?  A rock star?
 


A little more about Caroline Casey ~ She has dedicated the past decade of her life to changing how global society views people with disabilities. In 2000, she rode 1,000 kilometers across India on an elephant to raise funds for Sight Savers. Then, as founding CEO of Kanchi in Dublin, she developed a set of best practices for businesses, to help them see “disabled” workers as an asset as opposed to a liability. Hundreds of companies have adopted the standards, changing their policies and attitudes.
In 2004, Casey started the O2 Ability Awards to recognize Irish businesses for their inclusion of people with disabilities, both as employees and customers. The initiative has received international praise and, in 2010, a parallel program was launched in Spain.

“She is one of those people who, instead of just talking about changing the world, gets up and actually does it however tough the doing of it turns out to be. “ ~ The Irish Times

You can learn more about Caroline Casey and her work at her web site Kanchi.org


For anyone who has difficulty watching videos on their computer here is the complete transcript from the video:


Can any of you remember what you wanted to be when you were 17? Do you know what I wanted to be? I wanted to be a biker chick. (Laughter) I wanted to race cars, and I wanted to be a cowgirl, and I wanted to be Mowgli from “The Jungle Book.” Because they were all about being free, the wind in your hair — just to be free. And on my seventeenth birthday, my parents, knowing how much I loved speed, gave me one driving lesson for my seventeenth birthday. Not that we could have afforded I drive, but to give me the dream of driving.

And on my seventeenth birthday, I accompanied my little sister in complete innocence, as I always had all my life — my visually impaired sister — to go to see an eye specialist. Because big sisters are always supposed to support their little sisters. And my little sister wanted to be a pilot — God help her. So I used to get my eyes tested just for fun. And on my seventeenth birthday, after my fake eye exam, the eye specialist just noticed it happened to be my birthday. And he said, “So what are you going to do to celebrate?” And I took that driving lesson, and I said, “I’m going to learn how to drive.” And then there was a silence — one of those awful silences when you know something’s wrong. And he turned to my mother, and he said, “You haven’t told her yet?” On my seventeenth birthday, as Janis Ian would best say, I learned the truth at 17. I am, and have been since birth, legally blind.

And you know, how on earth did I get to 17 and not know that? Well, if anybody says country music isn’t powerful, let me tell you this: I got there because my father’s passion for Johnny Cash and a song, “A Boy Named Sue.” I’m the eldest of three. I was born in 1971. And very shortly after my birth, my parents found out I had a condition called ocular albinism. And what the hell does that mean to you? So let me just tell you, the great part of all of this? I can’t see this clock and I can’t see the timing, so holy God, woohoo! (Laughter) I might buy some more time. But more importantly, let me tell you — I’m going to come up really close here. Don’t freak out, Pat. Hey. See this hand? Beyond this hand is a world of Vaseline. Every man in this room, even you, Steve, is George Clooney. (Laughter) And every woman, you are so beautiful. And when I want to look beautiful, I step three feet away from the mirror, and I don’t have to see these lines etched in my face from all the squinting I’ve done all my life from all the dark lights.

The really strange part is that, at three and a half, just before I was going to school, my parents made a bizarre, unusual and incredibly brave decision. No special needs schools. No labels. No limitations. My ability and my potential. And they decided to tell me that I could see. So just like Johnny Cash’s Sue, a boy given a girl’s name, I would grow up and learn from experience how to be tough and how to survive, when they were no longer there to protect me, or just take it all away. But more significantly, they gave me the ability to believe, totally, to believe that I could. And so when I heard that eye specialist tell me all the things, a big fat “no,” everybody imagines I was devastated. And don’t get me wrong, because when I first heard it — aside from the fact that I thought he was insane — I got that thump in my chest, just that “huh?” But very quickly I recovered. It was like that. The first thing I thought about was my mom, who was crying over beside me. And I swear to God, I walked out of his office, “I will drive. I will drive. You’re mad. I’ll drive. I know I can drive.”

And with the same dogged determination that my father had bred into me since I was such a child — he taught me how to sail, knowing I could never see where I was going, I could never see the shore, and I couldn’t see the sails, and I couldn’t see the destination. But he told me to believe and feel the wind in my face. And that wind in my face made me believe that he was mad and I would drive. And for the next 11 years, I swore nobody would ever find out that I couldn’t see, because I didn’t want to be a failure, and I didn’t want to be weak. And I believed I could do it. So I rammed through life as only a Casey can do. And I was an archeologist, and then I broke things. And then I managed a restaurant, and then I slipped on things. And then I was a masseuse. And then I was a landscape gardener. And then I went to business school. And you know, disabled people are hugely educated. And then I went in and I got a global consulting job with Accenture. And they didn’t even know. And it’s extraordinary how far belief can take you.

In 1999, two and a half years into that job, something happened. Wonderfully, my eyes decided, enough. And temporarily, very unexpectedly, they dropped. And I’m in one of the most competitive environments in the world, where you work hard, play hard, you gotta be the best, you gotta be the best. And two years in, I really could see very little. And I found myself in front of an HR manager in 1999, saying something I never imagined that I would say. I was 28 years old. I had built a persona all around what I could and couldn’t do. And I simply said, “I’m sorry. I can’t see, and I need help.” Asking for help can be incredibly difficult. And you all know what it is. You don’t need to have a disability to know that. We all know how hard it is to admit weakness and failure. And it’s frightening, isn’t it? But all that belief had fueled me so long.

And can I tell you, operating in the sighted world when you can’t see, it’s kind of difficult — it really is. Can I tell you, airports are a disaster. Oh, for the love of God. And please, any designers out there? OK, designers, please put up your hands, even though I can’t even see you. I always end up in the gents’ toilets. And there’s nothing wrong with my sense of smell. But can I just tell you, the little sign for a gents’ toilet or a ladies’ toilet is determined by a triangle. Have you ever tried to see that if you have Vaseline in front of your eyes? It’s such a small thing, right? And you know how exhausting it can be to try to be perfect when you’re not, or to be somebody that you aren’t?

And so after admitting I couldn’t see to HR, they sent me off to an eye specialist. And I had no idea that this man was going to change my life. But before I got to him, I was so lost. I had no idea who I was anymore. And that eye specialist, he didn’t bother testing my eyes. God no, it was therapy. And he asked me several questions, of which many were, “Why? Why are you fighting so hard not to be yourself? And do you love what you do, Caroline?” And you know, when you go to a global consulting firm, they put a chip in your head, and you’re like, “I love Accenture. I love Accenture. I love my job. I love Accenture. I love Accenture. I love Accenture. I love my job. I love Accenture.” (Laughter) To leave would be failure. And he said, “Do you love it?” I couldn’t even speak I was so choked up. I just was so — how do I tell him? And then he said to me, “What did you want to be when you were little?” Now listen, I wasn’t going to say to him, “Well, I wanted to race cars and motorbikes.” Hardly appropriate at this moment in time. He thought I was mad enough anyway. And as I left his office, he called me back and he said, “I think it’s time. I think it’s time to stop fighting and do something different.” And that door closed. And that silence just outside a doctor’s office, that many of us know. And my chest ached. And I had no idea where I was going. I had no idea. But I did know the game was up.

And I went home, and, because the pain in my chest ached so much, I thought, “I’ll go out for a run.” Really not a very sensible thing to do. And I went on a run that I know so well. I know this run so well, by the back of my hand. I always run it perfectly fine. I count the steps and the lampposts and all those things that visually impaired people have a tendency to have a lot of meetings with. And there was a rock that I always missed. And I’d never fallen on it, never. And there I was crying away, and smash, bash on my rock. Broken, fallen over on this rock in the middle of March in 2000, typical Irish weather on a Wednesday — gray, snot, tears everywhere, ridiculously self-pitying.

And I was floored, and I was broken, and I was angry. And I didn’t know what to do. And I sat there for quite some time going, “How am I going to get off this rock and go home? Because who am I going to be? What am I going to be?” And I thought about my dad, and I thought, “Good God, I’m so not Sue now.” And I kept thinking over and over in my mind, what had happened? Where did it go wrong? Why didn’t I understand? And you know, the extraordinary part of it is I just simply had no answers. I had lost my belief. Look where my belief had brought me to. And now I had lost it. And now I really couldn’t see. I was crumpled. And then I remember thinking about that eye specialist asking me, “What do you want to be? What do you want to be? What did you want to be when you were little? Do you love what you do? Do something different. What do you want to be? Do something different. What do you want to be?” And really slowly, slowly, slowly, it happened. And it did happen this way. And then the minute it came, it blew up in my head and bashed in my heart — something different. “Well, how about Mowgli from ‘The Jungle Book’? You don’t get more different than that.” And the moment, and I mean the moment, the moment that hit me, I swear to God, it was like woo hoo! You know — something to believe in. And nobody can tell me no. Yes, you can say I can’t be an archeologist. But you can’t tell me, no, I can’t be Mowgli, because guess what? Nobody’s ever done it before, so I’m going to go do it. And it doesn’t matter whether I’m a boy or a girl, I’m just going to scoot.

And so I got off that rock, and, oh my God, did I run home. And I sprinted home, and I didn’t fall, and I didn’t crash. And I ran up the stairs, and there was one of my favorite books of all time, “Travels on My Elephant” by Mark Shand — I don’t know if any of you know it. And I grabbed this book off, and I’m sitting on the couch going, “I know what I’m going to do. I know how to be Mowgli. I’m going to go across India on the back of an elephant. I’m going to be an elephant handler.” And I had no idea how I was going to be an elephant handler. From global management consultant to elephant handler. I had no idea how. I had no idea how you hire an elephant, get an elephant. I didn’t speak Hindi. I’d never been to India. Hadn’t a clue. But I knew I would. Because, when you make a decision at the right time and the right place, God, that universe makes it happen for you.

Nine months later, after that day on snot rock, I had the only blind date in my life with a seven and a half foot elephant called Kanchi. And together we would trek a thousand kilometers across India. (Applause) The most powerful thing of all, it’s not that I didn’t achieve before then. Oh my God, I did. But you know, I was believing in the wrong thing. Because I wasn’t believing in me, really me, all the bits of me — all the bits of all of us. Do you know how much of us all pretend to be somebody we’re not? And you know what, when you really believe in yourself and everything about you, it’s extraordinary what happens.

And you know what, that trip, that thousand kilometers, it raised enough money for 6,000 cataract eye operations. Six thousand people got to see because of that. When I came home off that elephant, do you know what the most amazing part was? I chucked in my job at Accenture. I left, and I became a social entrepreneur, and I set up an organization with Mark Shand called Elephant Family, which deals with Asian elephant conservation. And I set up Kanchi, because my organization was always going to be named after my elephant, because disability is like the elephant in the room. And I wanted to make you see it in a positive way — no charity, no pity. But I wanted to work only and truly with business and media leadership to totally reframe disability in a way that was exciting and possible. It was extraordinary. That’s what I wanted to do. And I never thought about noes anymore, or not seeing, or any of that kind of nothing. It just seemed that it was possible.

And you know, the oddest part is, when I was on my way traveling here to TED, I’ll be honest, I was petrified. And I speak, but this is an amazing audience, and what am I doing here? But as I was traveling here, you’ll be very happy to know, I did use my white symbol stick cane, because it’s really good to skip queues in the airport. And I got my way here being happily proud that I couldn’t see. And the one thing is that a really good friend of mine, he texted me on the way over, knowing I was scared. Even though I present confident, I was scared. He said, “Be you.” And so here I am. This is me, all of me.

(Applause)

And I have learned, you know what, cars and motorbikes and elephants, that’s not freedom. Being absolutely true to yourself is freedom. And I never needed eyes to see — never. I simply needed vision and belief. And if you truly believe — and I mean believe from the bottom of your heart — you can make change happen. And we need to make it happen, because every single one of us — woman, man, gay, straight, disabled, perfect, normal, whatever — everyone of us must be the very best of ourselves. I no longer want anybody to be invisible. We all have to be included. And stop with the labels, the limiting. Losing of labels, because we are not jam jars. We are extraordinary, different, wonderful people.

Thank you.

Mojo Monday ~ Relationships

Michelle Fairchild

This Christmas evening I sit with two books in front of me.  Both have some elements I felt called upon to share.  Both have to do with relationships.

The first is a book I received as a gift from a friend in the mail only a few days ago.  It is called The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.  Mark Nepo is the author and the book is designed so that the entries are dated and start with January 1st and ends with December 31st.  When I first received the book I read the current date and then went back to my birthday to see what message I would find there too.  

Synchronicity stepped in on the night of December 23rd.  I was taking a bath in an attempt to ease the horrible cramps and back pain I was experiencing.  Pain and not feeling one’s best can sometimes trigger other emotions and thoughts that are not the most positive or helpful.  In that frame of mind I was having some trust issues be re-stimulated.  On my way to the bath I had grabbed my new book.  Once in the hot water I flipped to the entry on December 23rd. 
Here is what I read:
A Surety of Roots
You didn’t come into this house
So I might tear off a piece of your life.
Perhaps when you leave,
You’ll take something of mine:
Chestnuts, roses, or a surety of roots. 
–    Pablo Neruda
“Perhaps the most stubborn thing that keeps us from knowing love is distrust.  Certainly, we have more than enough reason in our world to be cautious, alert, and guarded against being hurt or taken advantage of.  But the fact remains that in spite of all the new and terrible stories that we pass on at parties, there is no other doorway into kindness and all its gifts but through the gentle risk to open ourselves, however slightly, and try.  The question we must ask, that I ask myself every day, is which is more debilitating: to be cut off from love or to be scarred by the pain of being hurt?
What made Neruda, such a great poet is the largeness of his heart, and through his large kindness, he suggests that giving heals and that until we step into that space between each other and try, nothing can happen.  But once we do, giving and receiving become the same, and we all grow stronger for going there together.”
  • Center yourself, and bring to mind three small gifts you are will to give away.  They may be tangible or symbolic or gestures of kindness.
  • Wrap each gently in your breathing.
  • Bring these gifts with you into your day.
  • Before you come home, give them away.
I was a bit stunned that my thoughts about not trusting had been greeted by this very strong message that distrust keeps us from knowing love.  My heart and my head rolled this passage over and over again.  I knew there was great truth in this message and I thanked the Universe and Great Spirit for sending it to me. 
The second book that had also leapt out at me at the last minute is one called Naikan: Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection by Gregg Krech.   This is how the book begins in the Preface:
“In 1991 a movie was released called Defending Your Life and starring Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep.  The story line centered around several characters who died and were transported to a temporary location where a decision was made about their future.  The purpose of this place—which was a rather comfortable, almost resort-like city—was to give people who passed through a chance to watch film highlights of their lives.  They had a chance to defend their conduct and the choices they made while alive, and subsequently a final decision was made about their future.  They might be sent back to earth to ‘try again’ or, if their lives were generally laudable, they would ‘move on’ to some higher form of existence.

What I found most interesting about the film was the idea of stepping back and observing your life.  In 1989 I had the opportunity to do just that for the first time, at a center located amidst the rice paddies in rural Japan.  It was a Naikan center.  The work Naikan means literally looking inside.  In the fourteen days I stayed at the center I spent about fifteen hours per day watching the films of my life run across the screen of my mind’s eye.  Prior to this experience I had been to dozen of retreats and spiritual conference.  I had spent at least one week each year on a solo trip in the wilderness to simply be quiet in nature.  I had meditated in forests and at Zen monasteries for days and weeks at a time.  Yet I had never really stepped back from my life to simply see how I had been living.

The process used at the Naikan center was very structures.  I reflected on the relationships with nearly all the key people that had played an influential role in my life.  In each case I looked at three aspects of that relationship:  What had I received from that person.  What had I given to that person.  The troubles or difficulties I had caused that person.  I sat on Japanese-style cushions and faced a blank wall in order to limit outside distractions.  Except for the time it took to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, I did little else for two weeks.  In some ways I resembled the characters in the movie I have referred to, except that I had the opportunity to do this –fortunately—while I was still alive.

During my time at the Naikan center I had doubts.  Why spend time reviewing my past, when there was so much to do now?  Why spend time considering the troubles I was causing others when I was already striving so hard to be a good person…Notwithstanding my persistent questions and doubts, I persevered each day with the review of my personal history, as far back as I could remember.  As the days passed, I began to understand what was attractive and uncomfortable about Naikan.  Naikan involved self-examination; that is, we examine our own life, not the actions of others.  How often is our attention wasted on judging, criticizing, and correcting others while we neglect that examination and lessons of our own life?  While we can never know the actual experience of another, we know our own experience intimately.  While we can do little or nothing to control how others treat us, we can do much to control how we treat others.  And while we are often powerless to impose our choices on others, we make choices about how we shall live, moment to moment, day to day.  Examining one’s own life is profoundly sensible, though not necessarily comfortable.”
In a section called Intimate Attention author Gregg Krech has this to share:
“Relationship as a Vehicle for Training
Henry David Thoreau knew how to live alone.  Really alone.  A few of us may set up solitary housekeeping in a parcel of unexplored wilderness, but the vast majority will choose, and be chosen by, intimate partners.  Such choices may be temporary, or…well, actually, temporary is your only option.  These relationships are the graduate school of self-development.  They provide us with the sharpest tools, the heaviest weights, and the thickest texts.  They push us to our edge, stretch us beyond our limits.  They may wing us on a pendulum from ecstasy and joy to the farthest reaches of pain and grief.”
Please Remind Me
By Gregg Krech
Please remind me of why I am here
when I am somewhere else.
When anger stirs
over unwashed dishes,
unkept promises,
and unpaid bills,
Please soften my heart
and remind me
of why I am here.
When frustration is triggered
by the same argument
for the hundredth time,
please tame my words,
deepen my breath,
and remind me of why I am here.
When my attention is drawn
like a magnet
to myself—
my needs,
my wants,
my comfort,
my pain—
please blink my mind
and allow my eyes to see
into the heart of another,
that I may attend to their needs
and bear their pain
and be dissolved
into the reason I am here.
I know that reason
Yet, so often,
I find myself somewhere else
and forget.
So please remind me.
Lastly I want to return to The Book of Awakening and share the passage from September 20th called Unconditional Love.
“Unconditional love is not so much about how we received and endure each other, as it is about the deep vow to never, under any condition, stop bringing the flawed truth of who we are to each other.
Much is said about the unconditional love today, and I fear that it has been misconstrued as an extreme form of ‘turning the other cheek,’ which to anyone who has been abused is not good advice.  However, this exaggerated passivity is quite different from the unimpeded flow of love that carries who we are.
In truth, unconditional love does not require a passive acceptance of whatever happens in the name of love.  Rather, in the real spaces of our daily relationship, it means maintaining a commitment that no condition will keep us from bringing all of who we are to each other honestly.
For example, on any given day, I might be preoccupied with my own needs, and might overlook or bruise what you need and hurt you.  But then you tell me and show me your hurt, and I feel bad, and you accept that sometimes I go blind to those around me.  But we look deeply on each other, and you accept my flaws, but not my behavior, and I am grateful for the chance to work on myself.  Somehow, it all brings us closer.
Unconditional love is not the hole in us that received the dirt, but the sun within that never stops shining.
    • Center your self and consider a relationship in which you have recently endured some pain in the name of love.
    • As you inhale deeply, consider the conditions that keep your pain unexpressed.
    • As you exhale deeply, consider ‘being unconditional’ as a bringing forth from within, rather that the enduring of what comes from without.
    • Enter your day and consider ‘bringing forth who you are’ in the name of love.
    Unknown Author

    Mojo Monday ~ Time

    Michelle Fairchild

    One afternoon after having picked up my twin daughters from school and arriving home I began to shuffle through the piles of paperwork they had in their folders.  Only in kindergarten, each day they usually still come home with a stack of completed worksheets, art, newsletters, homework packets and various event and activity announcements.  Since school started in August we have already sold Ducky Derby tickets, raised donations for a Jog-A-Thon, purchased school t-shirts, put in an advance order for a school yearbook, ordered reading books from Scholastic to raise money for their class, donated snacks a couple of times for the classroom and I’ve gone on two field trips.  I actually love seeing their completed work and “ooh and ahh” over their art and the field trips with my daughters were wonderful.  I wouldn’t have wanted to miss them for anything.  Yet on this one particular day, as I saw requests for parent volunteers for the upcoming Harvest Festival, the sign-up sheet for parent conferences and yet more announcements, I felt like I was either going to cry or hyperventilate. 
    In the midst of this new role of kindergarten mommy I still work a 40 hour job Monday through Friday and I still pursue my writing and art interests.  The last two are simply a big part of who I am as a creative person.  There are at times other events that come into play.  The most recent was preparing for my mom’s 70th birthday party.  It didn’t help that I went through a melancholy state prior to the big event.  Fortunately my creative and artistic sister-in-law sent some much needed inspiration my way and before I knew it I was in full blown creativity mode putting together photo posters, a memory/photo book, and a slide show.  It was all fun and I loved the reason for doing it.  There was however also a moment, much like the hyperventilating/crying episode, where I told my husband in the kitchen, in the midst of the mayhem of a dog, a cat and two very busy and talkative five-year-olds, that I felt more like a human doing than a human being. 
    The act of going through loads of family photos to create a memory/photo book also made me take a good long look at the passage of time and how it all flows and moves and spirals along.  There was nostalgia and this thought that in some regards the passage of my mom’s 70 years on this planet went by so quickly. The same goes for my 42 years.  It seems like my five year old daughters were just babies and I do know that, in what may seem like just a blink of an eye, they will be teenagers and then adults.
    Perhaps it was divine intervention or synchronicity working its magic, but I happened to receive a newsletter from a Buddhist publication called Tricycle Magazine.  Honestly I get so many emails that some days I just go through and delete anything that isn’t from a human being I actually know.  This time I happened to take the time to peruse the newsletter and a book by Lama Surya Das called Buddha Standard Time: Awakening to the Infinite Possibilities of Now was featured.  The synopsis caught my interest and I ordered a copy.  I felt a little desperate to learn how I might better handle time.
    The very day the book arrived I read the introduction that night in bed.  I had to laugh out loud when only on page five the author writes this (note the bold section is my emphasis, not the authors):
    “One of the main obstacles to making peace with time is that we tend to experience it linearly: we keep moving forward, doing and accomplishing things, rather than just being.  We are human beings, after all, not human doings.  It costs us dearly to live only on the linear axis of time.  We lose connection with our deeper and most authentic selves, too often mistaking mere movement for purpose and meaning.  We adapt to a fast and faster tempo that keeps us feeling busy, but rarely with a sense of accomplishment.  Staggering forward on a treadmill of events, we gather momentum until we lose any sense of how to stop.  We are expert adapters, but the complexity and speed of our world require something other than merely adapting to its pace.”
    In the introduction the author also shares these thoughts to which I found myself shaking my head in agreement:
    “Many of us feel that the modern efforts to save time have backfired, bringing onerous new problems of their own. Our technological advances and constant availability have blurred the line between leisure time and work. No sooner do we wrap our minds around a new computer program than it becomes obsolete. We can end up wasting precious minutes stuck on the phone with someone on the other side of the world, trying to figure out how to reset the computer brain in our dryer, or stove, or espresso machine. It takes time to learn how to do online banking, connect with friends on Facebook, master the complexities of smartphones and GPS units, and download a best seller to our e-readers. When Excel crashes and the work is lost after we’ve spent an hour entering data for a deadline, our blood pressure skyrockets. There’s even technology to fix stress created by technology. I recently learned of an experimental Google feature called Email Addict that shuts you out of your inbox, forcing compulsive e-mail checkers to give it a break.

    Don’t get me wrong. I think we’re living in an amazing age, as miraculous and futuristic as anything out of Star Trek and Jetsons episodes of my youth. I love being able to talk on my laptop face-to-face with someone on the other side of the world or to download a book or piece of music in a minute. The problem for a lot of us is figuring out how to disconnect from all this intensity for some peace and quiet. And how much of the time-related stress in our lives comes from trying to accommodate every single person who wants a piece of our day? Do you suffer from the “disease to please,” striving to satisfy all those who make a claim on your time? Many of us are torn between the desire to be generous with our time and the need to conserve our own energy. It takes only a few seconds to read a 140-character Twitter message, but the cost of the total distraction lasts far longer. The thinner we spread ourselves, the more we skitter over the surface of our lives, never going deep. And since we can be tracked down just about anywhere, anytime, it seems there is literally no escape.

    In the pages that follow, I’ll teach you how to wean yourself from the addictions that sap time and energy, to clear out all the debris and distraction—in much the same way that a snow globe becomes calm and clear when you stop shaking it and allow the flakes to settle. You’ll see, for example, that we can stay at our desks or in a traffic jam and, however momentarily, genuinely give our attention to the present moment as a way of finding inner peace.

    I want to show you how to coexist peacefully with the inevitable, the inexorable march of time. As a Buddhist, I’ve long studied the question of how to live authentically and joyfully in the present moment, and how to remain mindful, centered, and harmonious no matter what challenges come my way.”

    In my own head I am shouting “Yes! Please show me how to find inner peace and coexist peacefully with time!”

    As I’ve delved deeper into the book here are some excerpts I have highlighted and would like to share:
    “If we cultivate clarity, detachment, and equanimity, we can learn to remain still and calm amid the torrent of commitments, no longer our over scheduled lives to rob us of the time we need to recalibrate and connect to the natural world, ourselves, and each other.  For time moves on whether we are hurtling through life or savoring it.  The big transformations can take place outside our daily awareness, until a stark reminder catches us up; hearing the new crack in the voice of a teenage son, perhaps, or seeing the unwelcome surprise of a gray hair, or wondering how it ‘suddenly’ became winter.”
    “In my lectures, I always advise people to spend some time outdoors every day, even if only taking on e deep breath out of the window or star gazing on their way to their front door…When was the last time you felt the supportive, accepting vital energy of our earthly mother?  Was it when you were a child, lying on your back in the grass?…Nature is the original fountain of knowledge, beauty, sustenance, and spiritual inspiration for all people everywhere,,,And then when you get a chance, go outdoors and find a quiet place to experience that moment of grace.  It is a choice to go through life with a cell phone in your hand. Disconnect yourself from the wondrous gift of our technology often enough to remember that natural wonders have always existed and have always brought solace.”
    “Don’t discount the possibility that you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself…Ask yourself, Will it really change anything if this gets done a little later, or tomorrow?  If not, relax and work out a realistic schedule. IF so, keep going, but intersperse the task with brief exercise, meditations, breath, or phone breaks, and don’t worry that they’re keeping you from your work, because they’re not: they’re enabling you to complete it.”
    “One study indicated that in the busiest, most fast-paced modern American cities, people were the least likely to stop in the street and exhibit basic helping behavior, whereas slower-paced cities, such as those in the South and Southwest, exhibited more such altruism.  It’s been theorized that cognition narrows through making haste, and also that as the speed of life increases, ethics becomes a luxury.  As Rumi, the sublime Persian poet and mystic, wrote, ‘Come out of the circle of time and into the circle of love.’”
    Creating a sacred space is another suggestion of the authors and he describes his own practice this way.  “For over forty years, I have always kept a little altar or shrine of some sort, made out of furniture, logs, stones, cardboard boxes, crates covered with cloth, or whatever was handy and fitting.  Such a space helps focus my meditation as well as my energies and daily home life.  Now I have a meditations room in my home and I sit there first thing every morning for an hour, and sit there, however briefly, at night too…On the altar, I like to see a peaceful Buddha statue and some flowers or fruit offerings, incense, perhaps a crystal or special mirror to remind me of the timeless, ever-shining innate light of Spirit.  Sometimes, during the day, I just cruise by, wave, and say hi to my teacher’s picture and the icons on the wall – just to cheer myself up.  It’s like putting myself through a little karmic drive-through car wash, and I come out brighter every time.”
    In the closing chapter Lama Surya Das shares these thoughts:
    “When you make peace with time, and are not hurried and harried, you will find that room mysteriously opens up for new possibilities.  Each moment is a doorway to the divine state of grace.  Patience is a facet of the jewel of love, allowing enough time to create intimacy in relationship rather than experience them as ships passing in the night, which rushing through life is likely to give you instead.  Mental calm, centeredness, and clarity provide a healing, nourishing pause in the frantic activity of our lives.”
    Last, but not least, the final chapter closes with the author’s Ten Tips and Pointers for Befriending Time.
    1. Rest in the breath while letting go of all thoughts, concerns, plans, worries and preoccupations.
    2. Be mindful of the physical sensations you feel right now.
    3. Feel the good earth beneath your feet or the seat that cradles you.
    4. Chant a mantra or sacred phrase again and again, with pure, undivided concentration and focus.
    5. Make eye contact with another being, and feel compassion and loving-kindness for whomever you are with.
    6. Smile at someone, hug someone, or help someone.
    7. Go outside and make contact with nature through the sky, clouds, trees, a flower, a body of water, the earth between your fingers, or any other manifestation of the magnificent natural world.
    8. Read sacred words from the world’s wisdom traditions and scriptures.
    9. Take a bread, a sacred pause, an “honorable rest” – whether for Sabbath or just for an hour or two – at least once a week, if not every day.
    10. Listen to music, sing, dance, create, pray, and play.

    Now breathe, smile, and relax…You have time.
    So has the wisdom of the book sunk in yet?  Am I feeling more at peace with time?  Am I likely to hyperventilate any time soon?  The first step I have taken, which is the author’s first recommendation, is to turn to nature for my grounding.  I have always loved nature.  I have always found some peace in just gazing at a scenic natural view.  When life gets busy, even doing this can get cast aside.  There are times like today when I went for a walk through the neighborhood with my daughters.  We marveled at some of the giant leaves lying on the ground.  We stopped and watched some birds at a neighbor’s giant bird feeder.  I pointed out some mushrooms and a gnome almost hidden in another neighbor’s woodsy front yard.  When we returned home the three of us raked leaves in the back yard.  It is cute what can entertain and amuse five year olds.  After creating piles the two of them then had a ball jumping in the leaves.  My heart was happy at watching my daughters enjoy such a simple pleasure.
    And sometimes, when time feels more fleeting, I am merely reminding myself to stop, take in the view of the sunrise, or my backyard bathed in the golden light of an autumn evening, or marvel at a gaggle of geese flying above, and simply gaze. 

    Mojo Monday ~ Best Friends

    Michelle Fairchild
    A Toast to Isaac Newton by Barbara Lavallee

    

    “I am noticing that one of my gifts is to be an anchor for friends.”
    ~Mary MacDonald
    The August 2001 issue of “O” featured the topic Friendship and this is how it was introduced:

    “It has been said that there are two kinds of friends: friends of time and friends of like mind. The first—pals from the old neighborhood, summer camp, our first job – give our lives continuity; the second – soul mates who share our interests, values, goals – give our lives possibility. Both stir our capacity to care and connect, or as the writer Anais Nin once said, Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.”
    I think we can all look back to our past and make a list of friends who touched our lives. Inevitably we may have considered some of our friends as “best friends.” My first best friend at the age of three was also named Michelle. She moved prior to us starting school and I didn’t make another real “best friend” until I met Audra in fifth grade. Audra would move a year after our special connection was made and a new best friend named Tanya would enter the picture in sixth grade. I moved a year after meeting Tanya but we somehow managed to keep our friendship very much alive throughout our teen years and into our 20’s. I didn’t really have another “best friend” until my second year of college. There were always other friends in my life, some close and some not as close, but not everyone met fell into that “best friend” category. 

    What I have observed throughout the years in my relationships is that there is a bit of magic that just seems to make certain people click with one another. Sometimes one can know a person for years but never get super close and then bam a person walks into your life and you feel as if you’ve known them for years and you find yourself easily opening up and sharing the most intimate stories of your life.  With some individuals there is an extra special connection and in some of these situations we find ourselves considering her or him our best friend.

    I feel these excerpts from The Illustrated Discovery Journal by Sarah Ban Breathnach captures the essence of why some connections stand out from the rest:

    “Every moment of every day, consciously, or unconsciously, we all seek our people.” Our people are our spiritual family, the kith, kin, and kindred spirits we’ve unconditionally loved and been loved by since the beginning of time. Sometimes we’re connected by blood and lineage. But not always.”

    “Consider the different ways you feel about the people in your life….Which of these individuals represent your own inner circle—your people—the friends of your soul with whom you truly belong and feel safe? The ones with whom you feel that your Authentic Self can emerge, be appreciated, and be loved? Which family members and friends have cared about you, stood by you during difficult days, and were genuinely happy to see you flourish? These are your sacred connections.”

    “There is also such a thing as friendship at first sight. You meet someone at a party, and you immediately enjoy the way they naturally include you in the conversation. You see a new employee stand up to the boss, and admire his or her spunkiness right away. Often such connections are very real and very deep…The Irish writer John O’Donahue reminds us that ‘the real mirror of your life and soul is your true friend. A friend helps you to glimpse who you really are and what you are doing here.’”

    “You can learn a tremendous amount about your Authentic Self from your soul-friends, both passionate and platonic. The psychologist Carl Jung believed that ‘the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: If there is any reaction, both are transformed.’ A soul-friend is someone who not only sees the real you, but helps you to see her as well.”


    Here are some questions to consider:

    Who was your first best friend? How old were you? How long were you friends? How many “best friends” have you had in the course of your whole life?

    Do you still have a best friend or best friends? Who is the friend that you have known for the longest time and still consider a close friend? When and how did you meet? What has made the friendship “stick”?

    What does being a friend mean to you? How could you be a better friend to others — and to yourself?

    What qualities do you value in a friend? Do your best friends embody them? Do you possess them yourself? Ask someone you trust about the qualities you’re known for.

    Which of your friendships need improving? What action could you take today to mend a torn relationship or revitalize one that’s flagging?

    Nearly every friendship has its ups and downs. We grow at different rates or just need space. Are there any friendships that you need to let go of – temporarily or permanently?
    Have you ever struggled through a period of time where you felt alone and friendless? How did you get through it? Do you have any recommendations to others who might also be struggling?

    Lastly, do you have a favorite movie or book about friendship that you enjoyed and that you would like to recommend?

     


    Resource Recommendation ~ If you are ever seeking answers on how to deal with challenges or difficulties in a friendship I recommend a book called Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend by Irene S. Levine, PhD. While the book does offer up stories and thoughts on how to handle the end of a close friendship, the author also offers up a lot of reflection on female friendships and how to strengthen and heal them too. Dr. Levine also has a web site called The Friendship Blog and you can find it here: http://www.thefriendshipblog.com/