Photo taken by Michelle Fairchild ~ Art in Nature taken on 12.26.18
Mojo Monday ~ My Body Is Magic
|“I like my body because it’s magic.” – 5-year-old Sofia (aka Lola)|
Interrupt Magazine published an article that caught my attention. Writer Marie C. begins by sharing a startling statistic. “By the age of 13, 53 percent of girls say they are unhappy with their bodies. When were they happy?”
In order to find out, Marie C. photographed and interviewed girls between the ages of four and eight and asked them what they liked about their bodies. These girls share wisdom the rest of us have forgotten.
Sharing this article was already on my agenda for Mojo Monday. Yet I took note last Saturday during a water aerobics class how many women were making critical remarks about their bodies. Comments were made now and again that reflected how many of the women wished they looked different. A part of me wanted to address the whole group and ask “How many women here like their bodies?” I had a strong intuitive sense that most of the women would not have responded positively.
Consider the wisdom in the answers of these other young girls when they were asked what they liked about their bodies.
and how healthy I am.” – 9-year-old Lana
“My body is magic because…
…of my bright green eyes that are soulful and shine.
…of my ability to float, glide and swim in the water like an otter.
…of my big smile that is warm and toothy.
…of my hands that can transform my creative thoughts into art and written words.
…of my strong legs and big traveling feel that support me well.
…of my arms that give comfort, bug hugs and serve a volleyball fast and hard.
..it provides me with the tools to live and love this life.”
– 44-year-old Michelle Ida Fairchild
Now it is your turn.
List some things that you love about your body.
How is your body magic?
Take a self portrait.
The photo(s) can be your whole body
or of parts you particularly love.
Lastly, be sure to embrace yourself as your own beloved.
Come learn more about A Beautiful Body Project
and watch this video for a very inspiring experience.
Mojo Monday ~ Am I Pretty
Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, PhD:
cheats her of confidence. It causes her to perseverate
about whether she is a good person or not, and bases her
self-worth on how she looks instead of who she is.
It keeps her preoccupied , colors everything she does, plans, and anticipates.
It is unthinkable in the instinctive world
that a woman should live preoccupied by appearance this way.”
Cosmic Cowgirl’s Magazine by visiting this web link:
Mojo Monday ~ Mental Freedom
Mojo Monday ~ Loving Yourself
Dr. Margaret Paul holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years.
|Dr. Margaret Paul and Dr. Erika Chopich|
After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, and together they created the Inner Bonding® process. They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years.
Margaret shares that the number one problem in relationships is self-abandonment. She explains how common it is for people to enter into a relationship with the belief that this other person is going to love them and will make them feel good, and make them happy. They also often have high hopes that this other person will make them feel worthy and lovable. The result of such expectations is that both people end of feeling very disappointed. What often follows is that each person then wants to make their past, their partner, God and other things responsible for their unhappiness. According to Dr. Paul and Dr. Chopich the key is to learn how not to abandon yourself and how to deeply love yourself. They are very clear that if you do not love yourself you will not be able to love another in a healthy manner.
Dr. Paul has written a series of books, has a series of DVD’s and the on-line program called Inner Bonding®. Her books are as follows:
Here is an article by Dr Margaret Paul called When You Love Yourself, You Let Others Off the Hook
Do you believe that loving yourself is selfish? Discover why this is not true!
Frequently, when I start to work with a new client, they believe that loving their self is selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. A more accurate definition of selfish is expecting others to give themselves up and do for you what you can and need to be doing for yourself.
Letting Others Off The Hook
How are others let off the hook when you love yourself? Let us count the ways!
Loving partnerships are about learning, growing, and sharing love and companionship. They are not about taking responsibility for making the other person feel happy, safe, secure or validated. Paradoxically, when you fully take on the responsibility of making yourself feel happy, safe, secure and validated, a loving relationship supports and enhances these wonderful feelings. But when you expect your partner to do this for you, then your self-abandonment creates your misery, insecurity and lack of self-worth. As long as you are abandoning yourself and expecting your partner to do for you what only you can do for yourself, your partner’s love will never be enough to give you the happiness, safety, security and sense of worth that you seek.
Loving Yourself Means….
Mojo Monday ~ Freeing Your Spirit and Dancing with Life
A melancholy feeling had overtaken me. My most recent music mix even took on a slightly gray hue of sadness. I knew it was bad when spending some time in my artist room playing with paints and glue and glitter could not pull me out of my funk. In fact the funk grew deeper as the art piece I had envisioned and was attempting to create would not come together. Instead of feeling pleased with the creative process I grew more frustrated because what I was seeing on the canvas was making me feel more mediocre than ever. My woe-is-me attitude began to spiral into questioning my purpose and bemoaning that I don’t have a local women’s circle. One way for me to try and short circuit the negative thought patterns is to pick a favorite book to read or take a bath. Even better yet is to combine the two. So that is exactly what I did.
As soon as I was immersed in the hot comforting water I began to read from a well-read copy of Finding Joy: 101 Ways to Free Your Spirit and Dance with Life by Charlotte Davis Kasl, PhD. My spirit chose well that evening because the short excerpts in this particular book were so perfect for what ailed me.
- Discover the Power of Joy
- Loving Yourself, No Matter What
- Tapping the Power of Your Mind: A Training Manual for the Brain
- Lighten Up: Finding Balance in a Crazy World
- Marvel At Your Amazing Body
- Reaching Out, Breaking the Rules: Tips for Making Life Easier
- When You’re Sinking Grab a Life Line
- Loving Your Body In Spite of It All
- Loving Children, Discovering Ourselves
- More years, More Wisdom
- Dancing with Life
- Joy to the World
Author Charlotte Kasl describer herself this way on her web site:
“I wear the hat of psychotherapist, author, and teacher, but at my core, I am a peace and social justice activist. I believe the starting place for healing the planet is in our hearts and in the ways we practice respect, empathy, understanding and equality in all human relationships, including our relationship to ourselves.” ~ Charlotte Kasl
Charlotte has written a number of books. One I have already read is called If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on A Spiritual Path. Her newest book that has yet to be released is called If the Buddha Had Kids: Raising Children to Create a More Peaceful World. It is one I will read once it is released.
Have you read any of Charlotte‘s books? If yes, do you recommend any?
The Chocolate Cabinet by Geneen Roth
A mother of an 8-year-old was desperate. “My daughter is gaining weight by the second,” she told me. “I am so afraid that I have passed on my troubles with food to her, and I don’t know whether to remove all candy from the house, take her to a doctor, or put her on a strict diet. Help!”
“What is your daughter’s favorite food?” I asked.
“Chocolate,” she said.
“Does high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or diabetes run in your family?”
“No,” she said.
“Is your daughter’s health good?”
Desperation calls for radical measures, so I said, “On your way home, stop at the store and buy enough chocolate to fill an entire kitchen cabinet. In your kitchen, designate one cabinet The Chocolate Cabinet and fill it to overflowing with the chocolate you bought. Now, tell your daughter that this is hers and hers alone. Tell her that she can eat as much of it as she wants and that you will fill it back up when the cabinet gets even a tiny bit empty. Do not criticize her. Do not watch her with hawk eyes. And make sure that cabinet is brimming with chocolate. Wait three weeks, and then let me know what happens.”
She looked at me in disbelief. “Have you lost your mind? If I give Gracie free rein over chocolate, she will devour every single piece before I can get to the store and buy more. She will gain a million pounds. I will create a monster!”
“Try it,” I said. “Let’s see what happens.”
Fast-forward three weeks. The desperate mother says, “When I first told Gracie about the new plan, she didn’t believe me. She waited until I left the kitchen, and then she plowed through the contents of her cabinet before I could change my mind. I filled up that cabinet four times that first week (with gritted teeth, I admit). But when Gracie realized I was not going to criticize her and that I was absolutely serious about letting her have as much as she wanted, she ate less and less. By the second week, I only had to buy a little chocolate, and by the third week, none at all. She is more relaxed around food. She is losing weight. I am a chocolate-cabinet convert!”
Does this story (it’s true, by the way) make you excited? Slightly hysterical? Have you come up with 25 reasons why this wouldn’t work at your house? You are not alone.
However, while some of your reasons may be based on fact, most of them are about your own relationship to food and hunger and abundance, not your children’s. And here’s the litmus test: Ask yourself what would happen if you filled one cabinet with food you wanted but believed you’re not supposed to have. What would happen if you let yourself eat it without criticizing yourself? I can’t swear to this, but I bet you have (at least) 25 reasons why that wouldn’t work.
It’s not about the food. Although the chocolate-cabinet idea was radical, I was almost positive that what Gracie wanted wasn’t candy. She wanted her mother’s (positive) attention. She wanted her mother to trust her. But mostly, she wanted to believe in and trust herself, and only way she could do that was by first learning those skills from her mother. The drama around food and weight gain was the language that Gracie was using to communicate with her mother. The real issue is never the food.
My mother was a fat kid whose own mother took her shopping in the Chubby section of Macy’s. Growing up, my mother felt self-conscious, ashamed of her body around boys, clothes, socializing. Because she loved me and didn’t want me to suffer the way she had, when I was a kid she began watching what I ate, restricting certain foods from my diet, telling me I was getting fat.
How did the hawk-eye, restrictive approach work?
Not so well. In response, I began hiding frozen Milky Ways in my pajama pants, sprinting past my parents’ room and sitting over the trash can in my room eating the candy bars as fast as I could, ready to spit them out if my mother opened the door and caught me. I began feeling as if I needed to look a certain way for her to love me, eat certain foods for her to approve of me. And so I began living (and eating) a double life: When I was in front of her, I’d eat cottage cheese and chicken without skin. When I was out of her sight, I’d stuff myself with everything I wasn’t allowed to eat in her presence. Food became the language of our relationship. And although, as my brother often points out, I’ve made a career from the dysfunction that resulted, I would not recommend this path to anyone.
I tell them, “Attend to your own relationship with food first.” Be honest with yourself about what you actually believe. Do you believe you can’t trust your hunger? That if you really let yourself eat what you want, you’d start at one end of your kitchen and chomp your way across the country? Do you believe there is an abundance of what you need, want, love?
After you begin exploring your own relationship with food, be mindful about what you communicate to your children. Deprivation, force, and shame do not ever, under any circumstances, lead to positive change. If you judge your children, if you create a moral standard about body size, if you withhold approval based on what they weigh, nothing good will come of it. They will begin judging their bodies, hiding their food, and defining their worth by what they weigh.
And ask yourself this question: If you could fill a cabinet with anything — food, attention, time — what would it be? Chances are, it won’t be chocolate. Commit to being lavish with yourself with what you really need. As you do that, you will become a living example of self-care and trust and love. You will be who you want your children to become. Believe me, they’ll notice.
Geneen Roth has authored many books:
Lost and Found: Unexpected Revelations About Food and Money
Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything
When Food Is Love
The Craggy Hole in My Heart and the Cat Who Fixed It
Breaking Free from Emotional Eating
Feeding the Hungry Heart
When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair
Appetites — On the Search for True Nourishment
Why Weight? A Guide to Ending Compulsive Eating
Mojo Monday ~ Belonging
The Glee Club offers a place for those who have felt like misfits to finally belong. Yet to fit in with this group you better be able to sing and dance. Check out the video clip from Glee below.
Wikipedia goes on to explain how Psychologist Abraham Maslow suggested that the need to belong was a major source of human motivation. He thought that it was one of five basic needs, along with physiological, safety, self-esteem, and self-actualization. These needs are arranged on a hierarchy and must be satisfied in order. After physiological and safety needs are met an individual can then work on meeting the need to belong and be loved. If the first two needs are not met, then an individual cannot completely love someone else.
The Looking Glass
Just some food for thought that I offer up today…