Mojo Monday ~ Love and Loss

IMG_1697I know a few things about love and loss.
I know a bit about grieving,
for I have danced with death on more than one occasion.

As I begin to write this post about a death, a birth and two heart surgeries my quirky mind jumps to thinking about the film called Four Weddings and A Funeral or those jokes that start off with “A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar…”  Perhaps it is not in my best interest to share how ADHD my thoughts can be, and may I add, how they exhaust me at times.  Yet it is true that these past two weeks have included the death of a great uncle, the birth of a great niece and two heart surgeries, an aunt’s and that of a very dear member of my creative Cosmic Cowgirl community.

My auntie’s heart surgery went smoothly and she is on her way to recovering.  The heart surgery of Sue Hoya Sellars, a master artist and matriarch, on Thursday, September 18th also appeared to be successful. All the monitoring during the long procedure indicated things went well.  There was a beautiful video live stream post surgery, where those present and those of us miles away could touch base and share in wishing Sue a speedy recovery.  However things didn’t go quite as expected because Sue didn’t wake up.  As the hours and days rolled on vigils began and still family and friends held onto hope that she was simply healing in “Sue time.”

As more time has passed the shadows of doubt have grown.  The community has circled around sending waves of love from around the world, while writing poems, drawing and painting, in honor of she who has taught many how to wield a paintbrush and how to mix her unique blend of black paint. In the midst of tears that I shed multiple times a day I am inspired by all the creativity and love that abounds.  There is the 30 day Committing Art with Sue that launched.  I have seen so many beautiful drawings and paintings posted by those who have been touched by her and this community.  I have fallen head over heals for the quotes that artist Christina Gage has been creating from close ups of her paintings and the wise words of Sue herself.   I have been moved by the poetry and written words of so many who wish to share their experiences with Sue and offer words of comfort to one another. I have loved hearing how many have visited the hospital, sitting and talking to Sue, singing to her, drumming for her and certainly praying for her.

Sue with her art and quote collages by Christina Gage ~ Forms of Joy by Christina Gage
Sue with her art and quote collages by Christina Gage ~ Forms of Joy by Christina Gage

Even as I write this on the evening of Thursday, September 25th, Sue is alive, blood flowing through her veins, and her heart pumping.  Actions were taken earlier today though to remove all the tubes and wires, so that family and friends could move her to her beloved Terra Sophia homestead.  The latest update was that she remains unresponsive and it is expected that she will transition from life to the great mystery called death.

Every day since the surgery I have awaited the announcement that she has awoken.  I have expected to hear accounts of her waking to joyous reactions and great relief.  I have imagined her look of surprise to learn she has been sleeping for a week.  Many have suggested she has been soul traveling and will return with stories of visiting the cosmos and spending time with ethereal beings.

I reflect and find irony in how my most recent taboo article for Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine is entitled We Are All Going to Die.  Poetry Can Help.  The day my article was published is the day I learned Robin Williams was no longer with us and not long before that one of my all time favorite human beings, Maya Angelou, had passed away.   In the here and now of grieving for the very real likelihood that Sue transitions in the next hours or days, the title of my own article feels more real than ever.  Yes, we are all going to die and yes, as I continue to witness, poetry can help.  So can painting, singing, drumming and writing as we transform grief and loss into expressions of love and beauty.

Sue believed strongly in the power of art to heal and to connect with our consciousness.  As a part of fulfilling her deepest wishes and the legacy of her vision a Barn Raising has been initiated.  Sue’s longtime homestead is called Terra Sophia and an invitation has been extended to be a part of Sue’s vision for her property to become a sanctuary for committing art.  Please visit the “Barn Raising” site to learn more on how you can participate.  On this site is also a beautiful video that offers a peek into Sue’s world at Terra Sophia.

I have been a part of the Cosmic Cowgirl community since October 2008.  This tribe of creative women has impacted my life significantly.  Sue intimidated me a little the first time I met her and I joke that it was the “toilet paper lecture” that did it.  Those who have heard this same detailed instructional guide from Sue can nod knowingly and then giggle.  It was the second time I met her that I was struck strongly by the depth of her love and kindness.  I saw in her eyes the wisdom and the generous heart that poured forth.  I admired her deep contemplative mind and her gentleness.  I also loved her humor and wit.  That second time upon preparing to depart from an amazing weekend spent with Cosmic Cowgirls I went to say my goodbye to Sue and found myself spontaneously announcing “I love you Sue.” I saw the glisten in her eye as she took in my heartfelt words.

Some people affect us more deeply than we know, especially when faced with their departure from our lives.  Sue was at the heart of the Cosmic Cowgirl community.  She is beloved to us all.  I pause while typing this to hold my hands to my face while stifling a sob. I wipe my nose and dab my eyes and return to sharing written words for comfort and a way to process the grief.  Later I will turn to the paintbrush and a canvas to transform tears into expressions of art.  Always I will turn to this community of creatives for connection, friendship and support.  We are bound by the red thread.

an-invisible-red-thread

 

In closing a song that felt called to be shared.

Raven Song
by Elephant Revival

Raven Song
Lyrics by Elephant Revival

If I was a raven
I’d fly on through the heavens

I’d fly to all my loved ones
If I was a raven

(vocalizations)

If memory’s worth saving
I’d savor the feeling
of knowing love and loving
I’d remember the feeling

(vocalizations)

Some say upon that mountain
there is many a raven

They call out to the living
from somewhere far beyond them

From those we’ve loved
that have flown on

From those we’ve loved
that have flown
on

In Wind and Shadow by Aaron Paquette
In Wind and Shadow by Aaron Paquette

Mojo Monday ~ Inspirational Odds & Ends

Breath of Fresh Air

Where do you look to for inspiration?  

Even if you are feeling blue or overwhelmed have you
identified beacons of light that can
brighten up your day or offer a breath of fresh air?  

Do you turn to nature, art, uplifting quotes and words,
music, writers, websites, or perhaps a combination of all of the above?  

Do you subscribe to any inspirational magazines, newsletters or video feeds?  

Share in the comments some of your inspirational touchstones.

Here is a list with links and notes
of those things that have inspired me or
perhaps provoked feelings and thoughts recently.

classroompeek

The course Hello Soul Hello Mantras by Kelly Rae Roberts.

Kelly Rae is an artist I have written about before
or mentioned in posts hereherehere, here and also here

because I have felt a kinship with her social worker soul
and her creative mixed media artistry.  Her class was something
I decided to treat myself too after simmering in the blues.
The on-line course kicked off on September 8th and I am feeling very inspired.

Are there any courses you are taking that you would recommend?

Love feather anahata katkin

The art and designs of PAPAYA! which predominantly
features the art of Anahata Katkin.  

I visited the flagship store in
Ashland, Oregon in July and again at the end of August. 
The store fills the senses with scents, colors, texture,
deep dark chocolate and so much beauty.
While one won’t get to taste the chocolate, feel the fabrics 
or smell the perfumes and lotions one can visit their
website to explore the hundreds of inspirational images.

Are there any particular artists that inspire you?

artist room

My own Artist Room

I recently did some late summer cleaning in my artist room.  
Partly in preparation for the Hello Soul Hello Mantras course.  
It felt good to dust and do a little rearranging and clearing out.
Having a beautiful-to-me inspirational sacred space is important to me.

Have you created or found an inspirational space for yourself?

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I receive via email every single day an uplifting and positive article
from the good folk at Daily Good ~ News that Inspires

Some articles I read that very day.  Others I read at a later time.  
The team that gathers the articles from near and far, 
as well as research and writes about the
wide variety of topics and people, do an amazing job.  
I am impressed that it all began with a single person.

“DailyGood was born in 1998, when one college student
started sharing inspiration with a half a dozen of his friends
by sending them an enriching quote every day.

Today, DailyGood leverages the internet to promote
positive and uplifting news around the world to more than
100,000 subscribers through the daily and weekly newsletters.
Readers receive a news story, an inspiring quote, and a suggested action
that each person can take to make a difference
in their own lives and the world around them.”

Do you subscribe to a regular newsletter
or email subscription that inspires you?

TED3

If you have yet to check out TED Talks
I encourage you to do so.

I receive regular email updates for their latest videos.
This week I was particularly moved
by the video by Zak Ebrahim entitled
I am the son of a terrorist. Here’s how I chose peace.

Are you already familiar with TED Talks?
If yes, do you have any favorites to recommend?

Listen_to_Your_Heart

The last topic that has been on my mind has to do with the heart.

On Thursday I learned that one of my aunts was
to undergo heart surgery on Friday.
The good news is that the surgery appears to have been very successful
and she is recovering very well.
Then on Saturday I learned that a matriarch in my creative community
is also very unexpectedly scheduled to
undergo open heart surgery this week.

I have been sending prayers for healed hearts
and my inquisitive nature had me reading about the heart.

Did you know these very interesting facts about the heart?

DidYouKnow

Herat and Brain I and A

Inspiration is swirling all around us.  
Sometimes when I am blue I can get tunnel vision.
Reminding myself of all the beauty and wonder 
in our world brings me back into the light.

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Mojo Monday ~ Friendship

Karin and Myself
 Photos above taken August 30, 2014 in Medford, Oregon ~ Friends in our forties.
Photos below taken about 1994 in Aix-en-Provence, France  ~ Friends in our twenties.

“friends: us. always. travels. stories told and a few kind lies.
lots of laughter and a little chocolate. secrets shared and tears shed.
kindness with time in between. dreams and awakenings.
long roads, healing and quiet comforts.
wicked mischief and wanton hilarity.
time and always us: friends. always.”

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

This past weekend I had my annual get together with my long time friend Karin.  We have met in a variety of places throughout the years, but for four years we have met in Oregon.  Back in 2010 we both drove six hours to meet in a coastal town called Florence.  But ever since I suggested we meet up in Ashland, Oregon in 2011 and Karin fell in love with this town, that I have long loved, it has become our meeting place. She flies down from Seattle and I drive up from California and pick her up at the airport in Medford.  We then hang out in Ashland and sometimes nearby Jacksonville, where the Britt theater offers up concerts and sometimes comedy.  This year we saw comedian Bill Maher perform Friday night, while divine timing made it possible for us to see my favorite band Gypsy Soul perform on Saturday evening at an intimate fan concert at the Eden Vale Winery.  It was a beautiful location and evening and such a small venue that we concert goers even had time to visit with the band.  

Photo collage featuring Cilette Swann and Roman Morykit from Gypsy Soul.
If you are not familiar with this band do yourself a favor and visit their web site
and listen to their music.  They are amazing and inspirational!

Gyspy Soul

As my friend Karin and I caught each up other on the happenings of our lives we reflected on the many years that have passed since we met back in 1993.  We were two young Americans studying in Aix-en-Provence, France and ended up in the same class.  We eventually became roommates for about half a year.  All these years later we are still in touch and making the time to get together. Months often pass without talking, emailing or texting, but the friendship is always alive and we pick up again easily when we do get in touch.  

She and her husband have been married 15 years; me and my husband 11 years.  She has two children, a son who is twelve and a daughter who is about to turn eight.  I also have two children, twin daughters who turned eight back in May.  In returning from our wonderful weekend get-away and visit I pulled up an old Mojo Monday post I shared back on July 19, 2010 that was about friendship and my visit with this same friend four years ago:

“I drove six hours north on Friday to meet with an old friend in Florence, Oregon. She drove six hours south from where she lives in Washington state. We spent two nights in a comfy cabin and had approximately 24 waking hours to talk and catch each other up on our lives and what is happening in our respective families and children, she has an 8-year-old son and a 3 1/2 year old daughter and I have 4-year-old twin daughters.

We have been friends since 1993 when we met in Aix-en-Provence, France. I was studying French as part of a University exchange program. Already fluent in Spanish, she was independently studying at the same institute to improve her French, as she was working for a British publisher there in France. We were in the same class and became friends. I had come with a large posse of Californian college students. She was there essentially on her own and while she originally came from Texas she had already lived in Mexico and Spain. I immediately admired her independence and her gift in speaking languages.

When I decided to extend my stay in France past the standard one-year commitment I had to find a new apartment and roommate and my friend Karin was also seeking a new place as she was staying on in France too. We became roommates and spent another half year living in France together. We witnessed one another’s falling in love, her with an Italian and myself with a Moroccan. She was incredibly supportive when my Moroccan fiance died in a car accident and I tried to be supportive when she and her Italian parted ways.

Our life journeys continued in other parts of the world. I returned to California and she moving to Baltimore, Maryland. She came to California to visit me and then entered an MBA program in Italy where she met her husband who is Colombian. She moved with him to Argentina and then to Miami after they married in 1999. I flew to visit them in Florida when she was pregnant with her first child. They moved to Tennessee and then eventually to the state of Washington. Both of us being on the west coast now has made it easier for us to see one another once a year these past three years.

This past weekend we talked about our friendship and reminded each other what we admire about one another. We are the same and yet different. We have shared international experiences and a love of travel. We have both dated foreign men. We are both now married and have had children. We have both had our struggles with adjusting to being a mommy and have supported each other with our understanding and supportive words and nods of knowing. We also share certain social values, views on parenting and life in general that continue to fill out the nuances of our friendship. We also always remember one another’s birthday, and the birthdays of one another’s children.”  

I smiled as I read through the account of our visit four years ago and felt happy from our recent reconnecting.  Time continues to roll along, changes happen, we grown older and perhaps a little wiser.   We witness for one another the various joys, celebrations, milestones, as well as challenges and hardships that may present themselves.  As we parted at the airport we agreed to try and touch base more regularly, though we are both understanding about the demands of our daily lives and know that even if aren’t in touch all the time our friendship ties remain strong.

What are your thoughts on friendship?

Do you have a best friend or a close group of friends?

Have you ever experienced the painful loss of a friendship?

Do you have any tips on keeping a long-term friendship alive and well? 

friendship-day-bands-1

 

Praise to the Women on My Journey

To the women on my journey

Who showed me the ways to go and ways not to go,

Whose strength and compassion held up a torch of light
  And beckoned me to follow,

Whose weakness and ignorance darkened the path and
  Encouraged me to turn another way,

To the women on my journey

Who showed me how to live and how not to live,

Whose grace, success and gratitude lifted me…

To the women on my journey

Who showed me what I am and what I am not,

Whose love, encouragement and confidence held me
  Tenderly and nudged me gently

Whose judgment, disappointment and lack of faith called
  Me to deeper levels of commitment and resolve.

To the women on my journey who taught me love by
  Means of both darkness and light,

To these women I say bless you and thank you from the
depths of my heart, for I have been healed and set free
through your joy and through your sacrifice.

Rev. Melissa M. Bowers

Here are some interesting books that touch upon women’s friendships and relationships:

The 7 Aspects of Sisterhood by Debra J. Gawrych

Sacred Circles: A Guide to Creating Your Own Women’s Spirituality Group by Robin Deen Carnes and Sally Craig

Queen of Your Own Life: The Grown-Up Woman’s Guide to Claiming Happiness and Getting the Life You Deserve by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff

Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Breakup with Your Best Friend by Irene S. Levine, PhD

Mojo Monday ~ Your Fascination Advantages

Do personality assessments interest you?  Back in 2002 when I took the Myers & Briggs test my results were The Idealist Counselor (INFJ).  I loved reading all about it.  When I took the test in 2010 my results again came up the Idealist Counselor.  Upon taking the test today I was bewildered to discover that my results came out differently this time as a Guardian Protector (ISFJ).  I found it rather upsetting actually and contemplated how I have changed in the past several years.

Normally though taking such assessment is interesting and rather fun and there are many out there to explore.  A friend shared one with me just a couple of weeks ago and I wanted to share it with you. It is called Project Fascination.  You answer 28 questions in only 5 minutes and voila you get an interesting personality breakdown.

PF_28questions_Facebook.001 copy

 

I was identified as The Orchestrator.  This “title” was based on my Primary Advantage coming out as Passion and my Secondary Advantage result being Alert.  Words used to describe the Orchestrator are attentive, dedicated and efficient.  My Dormant Advantage is Power. I laughed when I read it because it really fit me.

 

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The results went into greater details highlighting the characteristics of Passion and Alert.  Those with Passion were described as being Expressive, Intuitive and Engaging.  Those with Alert had strengths in being Proactive, Organized and Detailed.  The description about my Dormant Advantage – Power seemed very fitting for me too: 

  • Your approach is obliging and flexible. You’re typically not considered intimidating and tend to know how to adapt your message to the situation.
  • You want others to like you. With friends, you’re a good listener; at work, you are helpful. You typically listen with an open mind, taking care not to force your opinions on others. People confide in you because you tend not to judge.
  • You allow others to make decisions and are comfortable letting others lead, unlike POWER personalities, who strive to occupy the alpha dog position in the group.

You are not a dominant personality and dislike controlling others. You don’t want to be the bad cop. Avoid situations in which you must overtly command co-workers or clients. Instead, find ways to succeed with a more subtle style of engagement.

When forced to use your dormant Advantage, it exhausts your energy and focus. Because this is your least natural mode of communication, it requires tremendous additional energy in order to relate to others in this way. It feels awkward and unnatural. It leaves you drained.

 

 

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My husband also took the assessment and his result was The Trendsetter with a Primary Advantage of Innovation and Secondary Advantage of Prestige.  Below is a large chart showing all the various combinations.  I find some of the titles especially intriguing such as The Veiled Strength, The Secret Weapon, The Maestro, The Provocateur and The Rockstar.  A few of the titles come across as less than flattering such as The Control Freak, The Aggressor and The Anarchy.  It would be fascinating to have everyone I know take the assessment and share their results. 

 

 

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Thanks to my friend who took the assessment and then shared her code with me to take it.  After taking my own assessment I too was sent a code to share with 100 people so that they could take the test too.  So far I have only shared it with my husband so 99 more people should be able to use my special password. 

Here’s how Project Fascination Works:

You will take the assessment here and enter this code BL-Pokettiger 

Afterwards you will receive a code and you in turn can invite 100 people to the assessment for free. Share your code with your Twitter followers, Facebook friends, office buddies, social circle, sports team, book club, prospective clients, college class, or anyone else you want to inspire with a creative new personality assessment.

After your 100 people complete the assessment, they will receive 100 free assessments to give away themselves. Just remind them to go back to the Project Fascination sign up page to register for their own code.

PF_ShareImages_Facebook.006

We Are All Going to Die. Poetry Can Help.

Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine ~ Doc Martens and Motherhood

699bd-michellefairchildccmagazineheader4-5-13

Come read my latest article called
We Are All Going to Die.  Poetry Can Help.
in Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine

You can’t hide

You can’t hide

You can’t hide

Because you don’t know how

God’s got your number

And he knows where you live

Death’s got a warrant out for you

~ Lyrics to Death’s Got A Warrant by Patty Griffin

As I revealed in my previous article Naked Vulnerability, learning we would be writing about Taboo topics this year gave me pause.  This new agenda has me contemplating and sometimes wondering what I will write about.  I am used to writing about inspirational topics with encouraging phrases about letting your light shine. Writing about all things Taboo feels challenging.  It leads me to probe the shadows, the darker recesses, and the stories that are sometimes hard to talk about.  I have a handful of ideas and some really great titles rolling around in my head and I actually thought I would tackle an article about “Identity” first.   However, another topic came to the forefront recently, even though I originally thought it would be the last article I would write.  The topic of Death seemed like the perfect end piece to a series, but it appears my Muse has other ideas. 

My first wondering and pondering is: Why is the topic of death so taboo?  This led me to the interesting realization that the creation of life (aka sex) is also a taboo topic. 

Continue reading over at Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine.

Mojo Monday ~ Gender Roles

Each of us were born into a gender, typically one gender, but some of us exhibit physical, genetic, or psychological traits of both genders. How do these gender characteristics affect us? Do they limit our freedom of choice? Or does our gender offer us unique perspectives unavailable to the other primary gender? Facebook users have recently offered some intriguing photos of transgender people, quite appealing in their new gender role, such as Balian Buschbaum who was born a woman (see more here). If the physical body is altered, how does this affect the mind? Or was the mind itself born to the wrong gender and now it has been returned to its proper state?

Gender Role Image

One more set of questions, then a few perspectives and maybe even some answers.  What about gender-specific groups? What strength is gained by restricting the group one gender and communicating in partial isolation of the other gender?

For the purposes of this article we are going to consider that for the most part humans are divided into two main genders. Clearly this is not true for all people, yet even for those who have traits of both genders, almost all chose to self-identify as either male or female.

Let’s begin with some conversations from the Indigo Society, “a forum for Spirituality, New Age, Lightworkers, and General Topics”. The “new age” perspective from these conversations among Indigos (a unique concept that you can explore with a quiz and more here) offers ideas such as, “The individual must decide when to realize that gender is a concept of a disadvantaged perspective on life. Though we are born onto a role that has been predetermined to receive us in shackles, we are challenged to free ourselves.” Certainly some people feel like their gender has them in chains, such as any woman who has sought to be president of the United States. If we look at the forty year period leading up to the Constitutional amendment that gave women the right to vote, we certainly see a segment of a gender group seeking to free themselves, and we see this echoed in the 1960’s with burning bras and sexual freedom. Yet even as these groups eschewed the traditional roles and limitations of their gender, they found solace and solidarity by forming women’s groups. Could they have accomplished what they did in gender mixed groups, even with supportive men?

Let’s back up and examine some assumptions, beginning with the differences between male and female. How real are these differences? How much is cultural and how much is physical? How about spiritual? We may need to ask God why She made two genders (and a few in between). The easiest approach might be to allow science to inform us.

The most basic difference is invisible to us, sealed in the nucleus of every cell of our bodies: the 23rd pair of chromosomes that is either XX or XY (or the rare trisomies of XXY or XYY). The differing male Y chromosome is an odd little thing, twisted and truncated like a gnarled old man. It’s considered degenerate (have fun with that one) and it often mutates while in the sperm, making mistakes as it combines with the XX in the female egg that can result in birth defects.  The chromosomes themselves don’t make us female or male though; it is what our bodies do with the genes that matter. Specifically one gene on the Y chromosome makes a person male. That gene is called SRY (I could not make up stuff this good if I tried) and without it being flipped on no one could be male. Other genes are also involved, of course. These genes lead to the production of hormones that are essential in defining our gender, causing us to develop physically as male or female.

We have long wondered if we think alike, these genders from Mars and Venus. Are there actually physical brain differences? The short answer – and its becoming longer with exciting new research – is “yes”. The scope of this is too extensive for this article, but here is a list of differences

  • The corpus callosum — the bridge of nerve tissue that connects the right and left sides of the brain — had a thicker measurement in female fetuses than in male fetuses as early as 26 weeks in a fetus. Connecting the two sides of the brain is seen as a strength in inter-brain communication.
  • Females seem to have language functioning in both sides of the brain which may result in the strong language skills typically displayed by females.
  • Boys fall prey to learning disabilities more frequently than girls (well of course, with degenerate SRY genes attached to a chromosome that looks like a broken comma)
  • Boys generally demonstrate superiority over female peers in areas of the brain involved in math and geometry.
  • Females and males maintain unique brain characteristics throughout life. Male brains, for instance, are about 10% larger than female brains. But bigger doesn’t necessarily mean smarter.
  • Male brains contain about 6.5 times more gray matter — sometimes called ‘thinking matter” — than women. Female brains have more than 9.5 times as much white matter, the stuff that connects various parts of the brain, than male brains. Don’t jump to conclusions; these are complex structures.
  • The frontal area of the cortex and the temporal area of the cortex are more precisely organized in women, and are bigger in volume. Again, no leaping here, either.
  • Women are faster and more accurate at identifying emotions and may be better than men at controlling them.
  • Men and women do have lots of brain areas that are the same., Members of both sexes excel at skills that are commonly labeled gender specific. “All of these things have overlapping distributions. There are many women with better-than-average spatial skills, and men with good writing skills,” Geary says.

While some might bristle at the suggestion that brains have different abilities based on gender, science and our own perceptions have supported this in a general way, though it doesn’t apply to specific individuals. Yet we have seen equally well that whatever limits we are born with due to our genes and development can be changed. Science offers this nugget, “Some researchers believe that nurturing one’s brain can enhance what nature has provided.” This would appear to be an important element of brain research. We can change our brains because they are flexible adaptive structures. We can choose to enhance our gender-based strengths or to rob from the other gender what we naturally lack. “There’s a lot of evidence that we build up our brain’s representation of space by moving through it,” says Martha Denckla of the Dana Alliance for Brain Initiatives. Learn more on WebMD here.

Dr. Denckla’s statement about space sounds more like something from the Indigo Society than from a doctor. We can find more of this way of thinking in another PhD, Dr. Felice Dunas who wrote the article, “Male and Female Differences and Strengths-The Yin Yang Perspective.” She suggests that the ancient Chinese philosophies that pre-date Western religions by thousands of years contain gender truths that cross from science into spirituality. She says, “Yin Yang theory works with the premise that all of life stems from a point of perfect balance,” which informs our understanding of male and female, X and Y chromosomes, and testosterone and estrogen. She states, “When a woman is spending most of her life force, her vitality and time, giving to others, she is going to end up sick, weak, unhappy and, eventually, unproductive.  Yin energy moves from the outside in towards the self.  Mothering, which takes up decades of our adult lives, is, in large part, about contribution.  It’s about giving in creative, structured ways. These are more Yang oriented activities.  They are not about receiving.  From my medical perspective, it is imperative that a woman put herself in situations that allow her to receive support from others during her mothering years.  She needs loving kindness, she needs others to do favors and tasks for her, and she needs to receive praise for what she does.  She needs to be taken care of if she is going to be good at taking care of others.” Regarding men, Dr. Dunas claims, “When a man is “self oriented” rather than “other oriented”, when he puts emphasis what is given to him rather than on what he contributes to others, when he is silent and avoiding of his woman’s aggressiveness, “wimping out”, so to speak, he is not utilizing his primary strength.  Yang energy moves from the self outward in direct, goal oriented ways.  When a man behaves in a childlike way, (women often call their husbands the “other” child) when he doesn’t take a stand for his creativity, his vision, his beliefs or his drives, he sacrifices his yang nature, his greatest truth.  Unfortunately, men are given very mixed messages by women who want both a strong hero and a girlfriend-like partner to chat and vent with.”

I would like to wrap this up with a confession that may not be a surprise to the regular readers of this column. I am not Michelle Fairchild. I am her husband, asked to bring my male perspective to her article this week. For the record I cook most of our meals, care equally for our twins (I will pit my diaper count against Michelle’s any day), and prefer chic flicks to action films. I’m more of the girlfriend-like partner than the male hero. Michelle mows our lawn each week and is an ass-kicking volleyball player. We both cry a fair bit and I would never dare state my mind had more gray matter than hers because she is, as her readers know, witty, logical, and wise. I have worked to achieve a yin-yang balance and have seen my Myers-Briggs scores contract toward the middle as I actively sought to balance many traits of both genders as well as non-gender specific traits. We can all choose how to engage our minds and bodies in activities that promote our goals and add richness to our life experience while enjoying the natural gifts of our gender. I leave you with this, ostensibly a love song that is perhaps a love song between genders, seeking the strengths of the other…

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions

Oh let’s go back to the start

Running in circles, coming in tails

Heads on a science apart

 The Scientist, by Coldplay

Nathan Fairchild taught science, math, and technology for over 20 years in the classroom.
He has also worked in other science environments such as national parks, residential science camps, and nature centers. He has a Masters of Science in Science Education and has been one of the California nominees for the Presidential Award for Excellence in Math and Science twice.

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Mojo Monday ~ When I Loved Myself Enough

When I Loved Myself Enough began as one woman’s gift to the world, hand made by Kim McMillen and given to her friends.  As word spread, its heartfelt honesty won it a growing following.
The introduction to When I Loved Myself Enough by Kim McMillen begins this way:
For many years I lived with a guarded heart.  I did not know how to extend love and compassion to myself.  In my fortieth year that began changing.
In April of 2009 I had turned forty.  There were events going on in my life at that particular time that were very difficult.  In May, just weeks after my birthday, I won this book from a web site called Intrinsic. It was mailed to me all the way from Australia, yet in some ways it seemed more like a gift from the Universe, as it contained a message I so desperately needed to hear. 
The author’s introduction continues:
As I grew to love all of who I am, life started changing in beautiful and mysterious ways.  My heart softened and I began to see through very different eyes.  
My commitment to follow this calling grew strong and in the process a divine intelligence came to guide my life.  I believe this ever-present resource is grace, and is available to us all.
For the past twelve years I have been learning to recognize and accept this gift.  Cultivating love and compassion for myself made it possible.
The following steps are uniquely mine.  Yours will look different.  But I do hope mine give voice to a hunger you may share.
 
I ended up gifting this book to about fifteen women the summer of 2009.  I wanted to share the profoundly simple message it contained within with both friends and family.  
And so it begins…
When I loved myself enough
I quit settling for too little.
And so it continues…
When I loved myself enough
I came to know my own goodness.
 
When I loved myself enough
I began taking the gift of life seriously and gratefully.
 
When I loved myself enough
I began to know I was in the right place at the right time and I could relax.
 
When I loved myself enough
I felt compelled to slow down – way down.  And that has made all the difference.
When I loved myself enough
I bought a feather bed.
 
When I loved myself enough
I came to love being alone, surrounded by silence, awed by its spell, listening to inner space.
 
When I loved myself enough
I came to see I am not special but I am unique.
 
When I loved myself enough
I redefined success and life became simple.  Oh, the pleasure of that.
 
When I loved myself enough
I came to know I am worthy of knowing God directly.
 When I loved myself enough
I gave up the belief that life is hard.
 
When I loved myself enough
I came to see emotional pain is a signal I am operating outside truth.
 
When I loved myself enough
I learned to meet my own needs and not call it selfish.
 
When I loved myself enough
The parts of me long-ignored, the orphans of my soul, quit vying for attention.  That was the beginning of inner peace.  Then I began seeing clearly.
 
When I loved myself enough 
I quit ignoring or tolerating my pain.
 
When I loved myself enough
I started feeling all my feelings, not analyzing them — really feeling them.  When I do, something amazing happens.  Try it.  You will see.
 
When I loved myself enough
My hear became so tender it could welcome joy and sorrow equally.
 
When I loved myself enough 
I came to feel like a gift to the world and I collected beautiful ribbons and bows.  They still hang on my wall to remind me. 
Self Love by Rhonda Gray

When I loved myself enough

I learned to ask ‘Who in me is feeling this way?’ when I feel anxious, angry, restless or sad.  If I listen patiently I discover who needs my love.
  
When I loved myself enough
I no longer needed things or people to make me feel safe.
 
When I loved myself enough
I quite wishing my life looked some other way and began to see that as it is, my life serves my evolution.
 When I loved myself enough
I began to feel a divine presence in me and hear its guidance.  I am learning to trust this and live from it.  When I loved myself enough
I quit exhausting myself by trying so hard.
 
When I loved myself enough I began to feel a community within.  This inner team with diverse talents and idiosyncrasies is my strength and my potential.  We hold team meetings.
 
When I loved myself enough
I began walking and taking the stairs every chance I got, and choosing the scenic route.
 
When I loved myself enough
I became my own authority by listening to the wisdom of my heart.  This is how God speaks to me.  This is intuition.
 
When I loved myself enough
I began feeling such relief.
  
When I loved myself enough
The impulsive part of me learned to wait for the right time.  Then I became clear and unafraid.
 
When I loved myself enough
I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy.  This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits — anything that kept me small.  My judgement called it disloyal.  Now I see it as self-loving.
 
When I loved myself enough
I gave up perfectionism – that killer of joy.
 
When I loved myself enough
Forgiving others became irrelevant.
 When I loved myself enough 
I started writing about my life and views because I knew this was my right and my responsibility.
 
When I loved myself enough
I began to see my purpose and gently wean myself from distractions.
 
When I loved myself enough
I learned to say no when I want to and yes when I want to.
 
When I loved myself enough
I could see how funny life is, how funny I am and how funny you are.
 
I recognized my courage and fear, my naivety and wisdom, and I make a place for each at my table.
 
When I loved myself enough
I started treating myself to a massage at least once a month.
 
When I loved myself enough
I realized I am never alone.
 
When I loved myself enough
I stopped fearing empty time and quit making plans.  Now I do what feels right and am in step with my own rhythms.  Delicious!
 
When I loved myself enough
I quit trying to be a savior for others.
 
When I loved myself enough
I lost my fear of speaking my truth for I have come to see how good it is.
 
When I loved myself enough I began pouring my feeling into my journals.  These loving companions speak my language.  No translation needed.
 
When I loved myself enough
I stopped seeking ‘experts’ and started living my life.
 
 When I loved myself enough
I could be at ease with the comings and goings of judgment and despair.
 
When I loved myself enough
I quit having to be right which makes being wrong meaningless.
 
When I loved myself enough 
I learned to grieve for the hurts in life when they happen instead of making my heart heavy from lugging them around.
 
When I loved myself enough
I forgave myself for all the times I thought I wasn’t good enough.
 
When I loved myself enough
I began listening to the wisdom of my body.  It speaks so clearly through its fatigue, sensitivities, aversions and hungers.
 
When I loved myself
I quit fearing my fear.
 
When I loved myself enough I quit rehashing the past and worrying about the future which keeps me in the present where aliveness lives.
 
When I loved myself enough
I began to taste freedom.
And so it ends…
 
When I loved myself enough
I found my voice and wrote this little book.
 
Expressions of Self Love by Rita Loyd

I have included much of the book in this post, but not all.  There are more nuggets of wisdom in the book that you may wish to explore on your own.

Do you find yourself connecting with some of the author’s statements?  Which ones?
Try writing some of your own declarations by starting with When I loved myself enough…The author shares at the very end when she loved herself enough she found her voice and wrote this little book. What would you do if you loved yourself enough? 
If you were going to write a book what would you call it?
 A message from the author’s daughter Alison McMillen ~ January 2001:
My mother died in September of 1996, at he age of 52, only a few short months after writing this book.  She was not ill and did not know that she was going to die.  Her death was sudden and it deeply shocked everyone who knew her.  It has been very difficult for me, as well as her friends and family, to cope with life without her.  She died too young, and I am aware of her absence every waking moment.
One thing that has made grieving for her more tolerable has been this book.  Following her lead, I continued to publish it out of my home.  It has been extremely rewarding work.  I have received countless letters and phone calls from people all over the world who have been touched by the wisdom of my mom’s words.  They tell me that they feel as though, through the book, they have come to know Kim McMillen.  I could not agree more.
This book is my mother.  It’s message is what she spent years meditating on, reading and writing about, and experiencing.  It is everything she believed in, and everything she brought me up to believe in.  It is her autobiography, her declaration, her soul.
Even though she didn’t know she was nearing the end of her life, she knew on some level that she had to express the things that she had learned to be true.  After many years filled with self-doubt and self-criticism, she decided to devote herself to finding self-compassion.  When she did, and was able to write her findings down for others to read, her life was complete, and sadly came to an end.   
I have a constant ache in my heart, a longing to see her again in this world.  She was an amazing mother, friend, writer, business consultant, chaplain, river runner, dog lover, neighbor and woman.  Although I miss her terribly, I am comforted by the knowledge that, as this book is the truest expression of who my mom was, in its continued existence what she had to offer to the world will live on.

Mojo Monday ~ Love Letters

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Love letters.  I have written my fair share.  As a long time lover of snail mail and years of living long distance from a few of my beaus I have spritzed letters with perfume and imprinted them with ruby red lipstick.  Yet not all love letters need be of the traditional romantic genre. Throughout the years I have also sent hundreds (maybe thousands) of letters and cards to family and friends that were infused with my love.  While living overseas in France for a year and a half, prior to having access to email and phone calls being prohibitively expensive, I wrote many long letters to family members and college friends back home.  I would even find amusing images in magazines and tear them out and make my own envelopes.  Right now just thinking about it makes me want to make some again.  I have not forsaken snail mail as I still adore it as much as I always have, but I do know that the long letters I used to write are more abbreviated notes added to sweet cards I buy from local stores or artists I admire.  

How long has it been since you sent a “love letter” to a family member or friend?  

Learning about a project called More Love Letters that was created by Hannah Brencher has me contemplating again the power of a longer letter to connect, express thoughts and feelings, tell a story, inspire and spread loving energy around the world.  I first learned about Hannah Brencher through her TED talk.  Here is the video where she shares how already being a huge fan of love letters, as this was her own mother’s way of communicating with her long distance, that upon bottoming into depression after college she began writing love letters and leaving them around the city for strangers to find.  

After watching Hannah’s introduction to More Love Letters in her own words I encourage you to visit the web page for this movement.  It has been beautifully created and executed.  

The world doesn’t need another website. It doesn’t need another app or a network.

What it needs is really basic. Simple. Bare-boned.& often forgotten in the race to get followers, likes & status.

LOVE. Pure, old-fashioned, never goes out of style Love. Ridiculous, oozing, cannot pack this thang into 140-characters kind of love. Fearless, bold, unstoppable love.

And that’s where we come in… We’re going to tell you that we leave love letters all over the world for others to be blessed by. We’re going to ask you to write letters for Love Letter Bundles for people you’ll probably never meet.  We’re going to invite you to nominate someone you know for a Love Letter Bundle. You are going to think we are a bit crazy. A tad loopy… But let’s be honest,  you’ve been looking for a website that leaks love all this time.

Fair warning, we could really care less about love letters.

We’re only interested in you. The cracked parts of your own story & how you can use them to lift someone else. It’s about how each of us can morph our lives into love letters… lamps… lanterns… to light the paths of others who needs kindness and love today.

It’s official. Now, more than ever, the world needs more love letters. So get involved. Check out the current letter requests. Join our subscriber list to never miss a beat.

Your cursive means the world to us.

I read through some of the Requests for Letters.  One in particular moved me deeply.  Here is the description taken from the site:

R E N E E

please mail all love letters by July 15, 2014

A loving daughter wrote into us requesting letters for her mother. She wrote “My mother is undergoing an enormous transition period. At the age of 32 and happily married, her husband and my father, passed away in a tragic car accident on Valentine’s day that year. She was left with 5 kids under the age of 7 to raise on her own. My twin brother and I were just 8 months old. My mom just turned 60 and finally retired after 28 years of bouncing around jobs to provide for her family. The first time in her life she has no kids to take care of, no job to report to, and she is finally free. And she is scared. No one needs her, which is what most of her identity has been defined by. My mom needs a love letter that will inspire her to live again and finally, learn to take care of and love herself.” Join us in writing a letter of love & encouragement to this awesome mother.

 

PLEASE MAIL ALL LOVE LETTERS TO:

Renee’s bundle

c/ o Hilary C.

4505 Avenue A

Austin, TX 78751

Whether or not you feel inclined or inspired to join the More Love Letters official movement, consider right now making a commitment to send some love letters.  How about you send one today or this week?  How about a commitment to sending one or more a month?  Will you send it to someone you know or will you leave it on a chair in a cafe, on a shelf at a store, in a dressing room, or on a park bench?  The ripple effects of sending out love on a physical piece of paper can have more impact and power than you can fully grasp.  

If you do send out a letter (or two or three or four…) consider sharing about how taking such action impacted you.  What feelings did it invoke?  What stories unfolded?  What did you find yourself sharing?  Where did you leave it or send it?  Did you send it to someone you know or did you prefer to leave it for a stranger?

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Naked Vulnerability

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Come read my latest article called
Naked Vulnerability
in Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine.

I sat in the creek, sweet water gurgling and caressing my naked body.  I gazed at the greenery, the light reflecting off the water, and felt the very chilly water pour over my thighs, while the gentle breath of warm air on my face and shoulders offered a stark contrast.  Under the canopy of tall trees and dappled sunlight it was easy to feel small, but in a good way, in the way you feel awe struck and full of wonder about the breathtaking beauty of our planet.  Nature often has that effect on me, but to experience being completely naked and so remarkably peaceful as I listened to the natural sounds of birds and the water, was spiritually soothing and uplifting. Harmonizing with the rustling of leaves and the babbling water flowed the spoken word of a sacred water dedication,

Water Spirits know this child as your sister…
Give her the ability to flow in life’s stream…
Great Spirit, this child is of the people…
guide her to always walk in beauty
.”

Come read the entire article over at Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine.

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Mojo Monday ~ A Blessing for One Who Is Exhausted

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A Blessing For One Who Is Exhausted

–by John O’Donohue, syndicated from awakin.org, Jun 02, 2014

When the rhythm of the heart becomes hectic,
Time takes on the strain until it breaks;
Then all the unattended stress falls in
On the mind like an endless, increasing weight,

The light in the mind becomes dim.
Things you could take in your stride before
Now become laborsome events of will.

Weariness invades your spirit.
Gravity begins falling inside you,
Dragging down every bone.

The tide you never valued has gone out.
And you are marooned on unsure ground.
Something within you has closed down;
And you cannot push yourself back to life.

You have been forced to enter empty time.
The desire that drove you has relinquished.
There is nothing else to do now but rest
And patiently learn to receive the self
You have forsaken for the race of days.

At first your thinking will darken
And sadness take over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.

You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.

Take refuge in your senses, open up
To all the small miracles you rushed through.

Become inclined to watch the way of rain
When it falls slow and free.

Imitate the habit of twilight,
Taking time to open the well of color
That fostered the brightness of day.

Draw alongside the silence of stone
Until its calmness can claim you.
Be excessively gentle with yourself.

Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.

Gradually, you will return to yourself,
Having learned a new respect for your heart
And the joy that dwells far within slow time.

exhaustion

Have you ever felt completely exhausted?

Was it a phase or a short lived experience?

Did something in particular spark the exhaustion?

Did you wade through it until the feeling passed
or did you take concerted steps to regain your vitality?

When times of malaise come to pass do you sit with it
or takes steps to transform the feelings?

Exhausted